Forever lost in your world
by nair4ever
Summary: She pretends she doesn't see him all happy and beaming with her, but at this point, even if she closed her eyes his happiness would burn her inside out. She tries to calm herself down, and like Nate's discrete slap to her face wasn't enough, she spots the van der Bilt family ring. She guesses it's one of those cry herself to sleep nights again...one of many to come.
1. Family reunions

Hello fellas :D I know it took a while for this chapter to be updated, I like wrote half of it and then had a brain fart and wasn't able to write anything xD Don't hate me, I'm trying ;(

Well this is obviously the first chapter of the new story, hope you enjoy.  
Don't be lazy (like me) leave a review;)

* * *

The way she felt at the moment was almost euphoric. Who thought an underdog such as her, a weird documentary girl would end up with no else than Nate Archibald, the hottest subject on the UES ever. Not to be fooled, he annoyed her at first. The whole I'm a _poor- rich- lost -boy_ act made her want to punch him with her camera, but actually spending some time with him showed her different.

Unlike the majority of pretty much anyone in Manhattan, he had consciousness and awareness. He was sweet and confused all the time, one more reason to love him.

But there were down falls too, a lot of them. For one, the whole female student body (and some older female teachers mind you) held a grudge against her. She was never the popular one, dating the most popular boy didn't seem to change that, not that she wanted to. She was disgusted with all the pretentiousness and money being thrown around, life had a deeper meaning than money and pretty faces. If only she could completely convince Nate it was that way.

Turns out you can take a boy out of the UES, but you can't take the UES out of the boy.

But Nate has changed to better, though the whole family drama he has been trough was awful, it taught him the real values in life, or so she hoped for.

There was one big dilemma she had to face daily, the one in form of Blair Waldorf.

Sure Nate has said countless time things between him and the girl he spent half of his life with were over, but could she be sure?

It's Blair Waldorf. Everyone knew Vanessa couldn't stand her, everyone also knew Blair couldn't stand Vanessa even more, especially now that she's dating _her_ high school sweetheart.

And of course. Both Nate and Blair could refuse to even look at each other, pretend like the other one's not in the classroom or completely deny the other's existence on the street, but the fact remained…Blair was still wearing her ruby red ring and Nate didn't get rid of his green sweater or the golden heart pin in it.

Blair was not the only one ''against'' them.

Chuck never really liked her in the first place. Much less now that he was so pathetically trying to rebound with his best friend after sleeping with his girlfriend. Cliché, cliché.

Nate was spending most of his time hanging out with her or at her café, so Chuck couldn't get in touch with him if he wanted to, neither could Blair. God knows none of them would step on Brooklyn sidewalks without a tetanus shoot.

Dan's not totally on board with it too. He gives her a look of disappointment now and then. Being the hypocrite he was, by his standards, everyone on the UES was scum…besides his lovely perfect Serena. The sound of her name made her flinch.

There are times she thinks she's just a rebound girl, that the only reason Nate hangs out with her is to forget about the porcelain bouncy brunette and her betrayal . To hide out. But then he kisses her and he tells her she looks beautiful, it sends her flying and she forgets about Blair, Chuck, Dan, Serena and the entirety of the UES...for a while.

* * *

It has been a long day and even though he loved spending time with Vanessa, he couldn't wait to get home.

As soon as he entered their house he was greeted by a commotion. There were wrapped boxes in the hallway, a few suitcases, their maids were everywhere at once packing stuff and panicking.

He ignored the mess and went right up to find his mother. Just like he thought, she was in the library.

''Mom-'' he said cautiously, she seemed really concentrated, he didn't want to startle her ''-what the heck is going on down there?''

The blonde turned around and beamed with a big smile as she saw him –_ that's weird_, he thought. His mother was never really the one to cherish you with love and all that crap.

She went ahead to give him a hug and kiss his forehead, even weirder.

''Nate, where have you been whole day-''

''-well-'' she didn't even give him a chance to answer, it's not like she cared….yeah that seemed more normal

''-I'm packing-'' she said. Nate's eyebrows furrowed

''For what?'' he asked her suspiciously

''I didn't tell you?'' she said, still beaming with fake happiness

''you never tell me anything'' he muttered to himself and started walking around the library room

''What?'' his mother asked confused

''Nothing mother-'' he was getting inpatient ''-you didn't answer my question''

''It's summer Nate, we're going to the van der Bilts'' she said casually and left Nate frowning in surprise.

''What? You're going to grandpa? No way, what about Hamptons?''

Anne wasn't surprised about her son's freak-out, after all Nate still was on cold ground with Grandfather van der Bilt since the whole incident.

''Nate-'' she said calmly trying to urge him to look at her ''- don't you think I want everything to be as it was? Huh? I do, but we can't have that back…not yet. They are still your family, you grew up there. Don't you miss Tripp, even Maureen…did you know they are engaged?''

He half listened as his mother slathered all this information on him. Up till now he had his mind set that he would say goodbye to that family for good, but she kind of had a point.

''I can't-''

''Why couldn't you?'' she had no idea what was going on with her son. ''Like it's not enough that you're barely home anymore. Speaking of, I haven't seem Chuck or Blair in such a long-''

''-and you won't'' he cut his mother down angrily at the bare mention of the names. He didn't know which one made him angrier, but he did know which one broke his heart in half hearing it.

Anne sustained from her frown, not having an idea what was going on in her son's life for a while. She wanted to change that, but Nate was giving her nothing.

''You have to come with, you haven't got a real reason to stay-''

''-I have-'' he said and the room filled with silence ''-I have a girlfriend, Vanessa'' he finally says out loud. So maybe he should have told his mother about her a long time ago, they were in fact dating for a good 5 months, he just couldn't. He felt like he would be disappointing someone, when in fact he was just doing it to himself. It was all the UES poison injected in to him and the belief that his family wouldn't appreciate anyone without an etiquette.

Anne was for one left wordless. Last time she checked Nate was close to an engagement with Eleanor's daughter. Nate has never even mentioned this girl, it all made a lot more sense now. She still had no idea what has gone down for the two of them, but she was sad not seeing Blair around, that girl would always bring good energy with her, she gave Nate a reality check and kept him grounded, it seemed like she brought the best of him out. Too bad her son could never appreciate the good things in life. Always the free spirited one, not caring about the consequences.

''For how long?''

''A while-'' he spoke cautiously, his mother didn't seem mad, but she seemed suspicious. ''-I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I knew how you'd react''

She frowned at him in utter confusion ''What do you mean Nathanial''

''She's different-'' well that wasn't helping ''-she's from Brooklyn

At the moment Anne felt like her son was doing this on purpose, so he was spending his days in Brooklyn with some Brooklyn underdog. Yes it was hypocritical and yes she was acting like a snob, but she knew Nate never had interest in anything crossing the lines of UES and this felt like a provocation.

So he was right, now that his mother knew he had a girl without a pedigree, she was quiet. Even though she was the disappointed one, he felt like it should be the other way around.

''That's exactly why I didn't tell you'' he said angry and left the room. Anne ran after him, yelling in process

''I didn't even say anything, stop making assumptions, you're just like your father'' she said, knowing really well how it stung

Nate stopped in his tracks hearing her. _Just like your father….just like your father_.

''God, I didn't mean that-'' she said looking at her son's hurt stricken expression ''-you're not like him, you're better than that… but sometimes-'' she can't find her words ''- forget about it.''

There was a moment of awkward silence floating around. The tension was back up and the atmosphere was similar to what it was a few months ago with all the corrupt drama. Summer was finally there, they should be careless and free. Just for once she wanted her son to have that, sometimes she forgot he was just 19 and didn't have his life figured out. So despite herself, she spoke up.

''I'm sorry, I know this has been hard on you and I know I was a hypocrite, I don't want you to be one. So, why don't you take your new girlfriend with us?'' she spoke loud and clear, Nate was dumb founded.

Maybe his bark was louder than his bite; he knew Vanessa didn't think much of him being wealthy, just like his mother didn't think much of Brooklyn. But Vanessa also said she accepted him the way he was, she was smart, wonderful, beautiful and so much more, he wanted his whole family to get to know her, to fall in love with her like he did.

''Really?'' he asked his mother with a smile

She smiled back, but the burden was still on her chest ''Really. Now I have to hurry up, the car is already waiting for me. I'll send another one later for the two of you''

* * *

''Has anyone seen Blair? We have to be on our way to the van der Bilt family reunion soon, where is that girl?'' Eleanor asked the staff

''Blair Cornelia Waldorf-'' her mother yelled from downstairs. Blair rolled her eyes, getting up from her bed unwillingly.

''What mother?'' she asked, standing on the top of their staircase

''My dear god, tell me you're not in your night gown at noon-'' another eye roll ''-we don't have time for that, please tell me that your suitcase is all packed up''

Suitcase? What did she need her suitcase ready for? Were they visiting her dad and Roman in France? A wild grin stretched over her features. That was definitely a good start of the summer. God, she doesn't even have her clothes packed up, her mother would kill her.

''Just give me a sec-'' she yelled and disappeared ''-Dorota, my room, now!''

Dorota entered the girl's room to find half of her once organized closet on the floor

''Miss Blair-'' the maid stated in shock

''Not now Dorota, you need to help me pack while I throw on something cute-'' she said while trying out several outfits ''Quick!'' she yelled and threw a sundress over in her direction.

''Fine, fine, Miss Blair…remember to breathe'' the maid said while packing most of the things she knew would be essential. After she packed the necessary clothes she started with the jewelry. There was one particular object she was unsure what to do with. She examined the ruby ring in her hands for a while. The young brunette still didn't have the heart to get rid of it, Dorota remembered how much Blair has cried over this past months after a certain blue eyed boy. She would often hear her sob at night, swearing to herself it would be the last time. But it wasn't. So she decided to slip the ring in to one of many Tiffany boxes and seal the lid.

''Have you packed everything?'' Blair emerged from the bathroom, looking like a doll.

''Yes Miss Blair, everything's in there'' it is now

* * *

''Nate-'' she said nervously and played with one of her dark locks of hair ''-I don't know about this''

Nate put his hand over hers and gave her a warming smile ''Relax, everyone's going to love you'' even though he's half sure he's lying trough his teeth.

They're walking down the street, he said there was a car waiting for them. Their stuff has already been taken care of, god knows how. Nate suddenly stopped at a particular limo that in no way fits in to Brooklyn. He noticed Vanessa's mouth stretching in to a frown

''This is our ride?'' she asked a little paranoid

''Yeah'' Nate says awkwardly, he knew she wasn't used to all of this, and if the limo was already too pretentious for her, how is she going to react when she sees the van der Bilt mansion with built in swimming pools and golf courts.

She nods quietly. If she wasn't insecure yet, it definitely got to her now.

* * *

There you go. Please tell me if you like it so far, would you like it to continue or is it not that good? I don't know, I'm letting you decide. Xo L


	2. Spoke too soon

Hello, here is the second chapter, I hope you'll enjoy. I know my latest chapters are kind of dry and not very satisfactory, which I apologize for, honestly I have a feeling I'm losing my touch. Not much inspiration, I hope my stories aren't getting boring :/ anyhow this is a new story so hopefully my dry-out will pass. I'm psyched about it:)  
Don't forget to leave a review;D

* * *

She had a weird feeling in her stomach all morning; it didn't change when her mother told her they're not going to France to visit her father. One more additional reason to stick that pink toothbrush she always kept in her bag, down her throat and let all of the frustration out.

Serena always told her she was better than that, better than a weak little girl relieving her stress by making herself sick. She never understood, she never will…

If S only knew how badly it hurt to always be outshined. How bad it hurt to never be enough. Not for her father (there's no other explanation for him leaving her), not for her mother, not for the society, not for Nate.

And she tried. She always made sure for her hair to stay in place, for her outfit to match, makeup all done up. Nate has no idea that she used to get up 2 hours earlier for school to prime herself up and look pretty enough for him. He never noticed. He only had eyes for the perkier, more bubbly careless blonde.

It all made sense now, Nate had enough problems in his life without her, he didn't need her baggage too. It was her that needed him. She tried to hold tightly, to keep things from sliding out of her hands. She was so obsessed and scared of loneliness she was ready to look pass their betrayal. No matter how much it burned inside.

And then, when she finally got around and everything was falling in to place, they lost it all.

He wouldn't even confide in to her, that's what hurt the most. He said he couldn't talk to her because she would never listen, that he cared too much about all the parties and balls.

What he doesn't know is that she used to stay awake all through the night reading about his father's case, examining the allegations, trying to find a way to console him and make it easier for him. But no, he said all she cared about were masked balls.

That's when devil talked to her, in form of the one and only Chuck Bass. She can't remember what exactly went through her mind while taking that car, dancing in front of him, going with him in that limo.

She remembers she didn't even want to pretend it was Nate taking her purity away from her. Nate would never be that rough with her, he would try and make it special.

It's tragic. She dreamed about that perfect moment for so long, never she imagined it happening in the back of a moving limo with a guy she only ever saw as Nate's friend.

Eye for an eye baby, right?

Then, when she thought they finally had chance, when they took each other back, she was the one who wasn't ready. She left him at prom, for a guy who wasn't worth it.

The realization hit her full force, she was completely and utterly soulless.

''Blair, why are you in there so long, we have to go''

She lifted herself slowly from the bathroom floor, flushing as she went.

The moment she saw her tear stricken pale reflection, she wanted to crush the mirror with her bare hands. She tried to make herself stop crying…stop doing this to herself. She couldn't.

''Coming'' she said, voice barely audible

The routine that followed was already perfected. Quickly brushing her teeth with the toothbrush she previously stuck down her throat, wiping her face away, retouching with powder, a lot of blush to hide that washed out complexion and a lot of chopstick to erase her dry bruised lips, fake smile and she was ready to head out like nothing has happened.

* * *

Nate glanced nervously out the car window for the umpteenth time in an hour, turns out she wasn't the only one nervous.

''Nate, is everything okay? Your neck is going to break'' she joked to lighten up the mood. He laughed and shook his head.

''I just can't wait to get there and for you to meet all of them'' he said excitedly, she hoped he wasn't acting- calm down Vanessa, he wouldn't have invited you if he didn't want you there.

'' Me too, although, I am kind of nervous'' she said honestly

''No reason to be, they're going to love you, I can tell'' he said trying to sound convincing. He hoped they would. He knew his family was very hypocritical, he didn't want them to criticize Vanessa, neither did he want her to judge his family. He could only hope for the best. Their car stopped, so did his heart.

The car doors were immediately opened for them. Vanessa definitely wasn't used to all of this. She knew right away she wouldn't like all the money wasting and pretentiousness, but she would stick it trough. She really liked Nate, she wanted for things to work out. He was trying so hard and she wasn't going to sabotage it because she can't keep her mouth shut.

It was like stepping to a whole another world. UES was zero points to what she was witnessing. If she wasn't brightened by all of the silver platters that were carried around to serve women sunbathing in the garden, then she was by the number of parked limos, porches and so much more.

''Wow-'' she muttered looking around ''-I wasn't expecting that''

Nate smiled and took her hand in his.

''I know, you'll get used to it'' he said and started walking forward

''Nathanial, my boy'' an older man, wearing a suit she assumed cost more than her half year rent, was approaching them

''Grandfather'' Nate said and went over to handshake the man- his grandfather

''It was about time we see you here, your mother is already going out of her mind-'' the guy said and reverted his look over to Vanessa. She felt like a peasant standing there in her _Forever 21 _flower shorts and not at all glamorous presence.

''-I assume that's the girl your mother's been talking about?''

Nate nodded ''Yes, this is my girlfriend, Vanessa''

She shook hands with his grandpa ''It's an honor to meet you, thank you for having me here'' she said politely, careful not to embarrass herself.

''Any friend of Nate's is welcomed here.-'' he looked back at Nate ''-My golf companions are waiting for me, I'll see the two of you later'' he said and went

She breathed out heavily in relief

''Come on-'' Nate teased ''-he wasn't that scary''

''Very funny Nate'' she said sarcastically

''Grandfather solved, about 30 more family members to go'' Nate joked and nudged her with his shoulder

''Dear God'' she knew he was joking (hopefully) but it was still intimidating.

* * *

''Mother please, don't you think I'm too old for this games. Just tell me where we're going'' she begged her mother for the hundredth time. Eleanor rolled her eyes

''Stop qualifying yourself as a mature grownup, you're hardly there-'' she almost hissed at her mother's comment ''- I told you it was a surprise, somewhere you haven't been for a while, you're gonna love it''

''I doubt it'' she hissed under her breath and returned to her poker face. This was definitely not the summer she imagined. As much as she knew, her mother was taking her to yet another one of her fashion projects where she'll have to spend days surrounded by tall, skinny, blonde models. So much about overcoming her insecurities...

Their car stopped and the doors opened. She doesn't know why, but she closed her eyes before stepping out. It was like she didn't want to face reality and see what god awful place she was destined to spend her summer at.

''Eleanor, Blair-'' a voice she knew too well spoke, she knew where she was, she didn't need to open her eyes but she had half a mind to quickly sit back and lock herself inside the car, refusing to ever ever come out again.

''Blair!'' her mother nudged her, taking her arm, literally dragging her out of that limo.

''Oh Blair, sweetheart, I haven't seen you for so long-'' the woman said and hugged her tightly, not just any woman, Nate's childhood nanny. As she was pulled in to the hug, she finally made herself open her eyes, the van der Bilt fortune spread in front of her.

''I missed you too Kitty-'' and she really did, but it hurt way too much. She had to get herself out of there before any more damage was done. ''-so much''

As soon as she disappeared, Blair threw herself in front of her mom

''Take me out of here-'' she almost cried ''-please, I can't be here''

Eleanor eyed her daughter with shock. What was going on, she remembered Blair was always happiest here when she was younger, just a year ago they had one of the most amazing summers here, like every year.

''What are you talking about? You love being here''

''Not anymore-'' Blair cried ''-I-I just can't'' she said and quickly rushed to the car, closing herself in.

''Get out of that car right now-'' her mother said impatiently

How could she be doing this to her? Why, why couldn't they just stay at home, away from here, away from Nate. This place held to many memories of happier times when she wasn't a train wreck, when she had a chance of getting in to Yale, when Nate loved her…and she loved him back (maybe she still did now). Life was perfect back then, it wasn't anymore now. Why does she have to be tortured with flashes of what was once perfect? It doesn't exist anymore.

''I can't-''

''Why? Why can't you Blair?''

''Because I can't see Nate-'' she can't believe she actually told this to her mother. She used to never tell her anything.

The car doors opened and her mother sat back next to her. Are they going home? She understands, perfect. Her track of hope was quickly ruined.

''I know it's tough out there Blair, but is there really any point in hiding? That's not how I raised you, us Waldorf girls are not like that.-'' Blair was for once quiet ''-Do you think I wanted to ever see your father after what has happened? No, but I made it through because I knew how much it meant to you. I need you to do this for me right now, okay?''

Blair still said nothing.

''I also know you and Nate have been through a lot, but aren't you overreacting a bit? You're just 18, you broke up, so what? At this age you don't even know what love is. You have so much ahead of you. It's been a tough break up, but you have to grow up, you know you're better than that. I also know you love this place''

Blair listened to her mother carefully, it wasn't often that Eleanor decided to be a real mother, but when she did, she did it right. She winced at the mention of love. Love was never the problem with her and Nate, it were her insecurities and his inability to follow. It really was time to grow up, she needed a new start more than ever. Here was her chance.

''Did we solve everything now? All of this mother daughter stuff is making my head hurt'' Eleanor said going back to her bitch state. Blair would lie if she said she didn't love her mother for that, she smiled to herself quietly.

''One more thing-'' Blair said, her mother looked at her quizzically ''-how do I look?'' she said and smiled

''Darling, you're wearing an Eleanor original, you couldn't look bad if you wanted to, now let's go''

* * *

''Having both of you here is going to be amazing'' the bubbly woman- Nate's mom- said, so Vanessa really was wrong about his family. As far as she was concerned they were all really nice to her and showed no acts of judgmental or so. She hoped things would stay that way.

As they were talking, one of the maids came in to the room and whispered something to Nate's mom. Nate was too busy to notice, eating the strawberry cake one of the cooks made just for his request.

''Just on time, thank you Kitty-'' Nate raised his look up from the delicious treat he was eating, giving his mother a confused look

''It's a van der Bilt family reunion Nate, there's other people coming too-'' his mother explained ''-aren't you excited to see some of your childhood friends? I'm sure Vanessa will love them'' his mother said quickly and made an exit before any of them could respond.

''Childhood friends?-'' Nate muttered ''-oh dear god, she's out of control''

Vanessa laughed at his reaction ''Come on Nate, at least I'll really get to know your world''

''Oh really?'' he smiled, they were just about to kiss when...

''Blair-'' his mother beamed with delight in the hallway. Nate pulled away frowning ''-Oh my god, you're even more beautiful than I remember''

There, in to the main family room where Nate and Vanessa were sitting, entered no other than Blair Waldorf, his mother in tow.

That sick feeling Vanessa had all the way over there, came back in an instant. Seeing Vanessa and Nate there together, so did Blair's.

* * *

So it begins! Leave my a review, would you? ;) xo L


	3. Infamous

Hey guys! It feels like it's been forever. I still don't have my laptop back because it's so effed up they need to order some supercalifragilisticexpialidocious thing to repair it. Luckily I managed to snatch my mom's computer and write this down. I apologize if it sucks but I wanted you to have at least something regardless the situation.

* * *

It took a while to summarize what exactly was happening. His heart ratio speeded up immediately as he tried to erase the name from his mind. It was the last one he wanted to hear right now. In fact he was so stricken by the situation that he froze in place.

Vanessa's state was no better. She was keeping it cool on the surface to hide all that boiling happening within her. Not only that her boyfriend's ex was here, oh no. His mother, the woman she wanted to impress, was hugging Blair like she was her own.

Definitely not the scenario you have in mind when you meet your boyfriend's parents for the first time.

The moment she saw Blair walk in, all of the insecurities resurfaced. She had half her mind to just simply walk out and get the hell away from that place.

Blair, being the coldhearted diva from hell she was, kept her posture in place. She didn't even flinch at the sight of her ex love and the girl she only ever saw as a form of cancer.

Well what can you say, at least now that he hit rock bottom he couldn't go worse. Yes, she knew she was being mean and the docu-girl didn't really do anything, but right now she hated everything and everyone taking something hers away from her. Then again, that something (well someone) wasn't even hers anymore to begin with.

It was hard to keep a smile on the whole time, pretend to be happy around all of those people who used to make her euphoric. Now, it was all an anagram for something wonderful that was broken.

It's been a while since their breakup ( 8 months, 14 days, 3 hours; she hated the fact that she knew exactly how much, but she couldn't not know it if she wanted to) and it was way pass her time to move on. He has. Then why was she once again so caught up to that heartbreaking relationship which anchored her down. She thought she would be able to move on like after that first time. But then again, the first time wasn't really a breakup, it was two people finding out exactly what they wanted and coming back together stronger than ever.

Stronger than ever…. And she had to blow it all up. For what? A masochistic womanizer who only ever treated her like property. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt twice as much as standing right there at the moment, watching the hand that once handled her the ruby red ring she never took off, wrapped around another girl's waist.

''Blair, we couldn't be happier to have you here-'' his mother said and hugged Blair closer. Damn it. All of it felt like a big nightmare colliding at once on his shoulders. Not only did he drag Vanessa here, but she had to witness his ex girlfriend exchange hugs with his mother. He knew how much it meant to Vanessa to impress his mother and the rest of the family, but right now, by the looks of it….things were going down.

What in hell's creation did he do to deserve this? He came here with an intention to get away from the UES and all the memories of a doe eyed porcelain doll who possessed him not so long ago.

She was like a bad song stuck in his mind, a catchy one you would hum in the shower, never leaving your system once it's in. Like a virus.

But she was no bad song, she was a masterpiece created by the very best of artists and he was one of the lucky few who got to hear it.

Too bad someone broke the melody a while ago and carved the record for good.

The pressure in the room got too high for her to handle, just like everything involving Blair Waldorf did. Nate felt Vanessa's hand quickly slip from his one. A moment after he watched her disappear from the room.

The sudden action surprised everyone but Blair, she was more surprised by the fact that Nate couldn't care to flinch after her. Eventually the thought that his girlfriend was storming out got to his head , so what better to do than follow.

''Nathanial-'' Anne called after her son, seeing he was out of the view she gave the calling up and looked over at Blair ''-what was that all about'' she muttered more to herself, but Blair felt the need to fill the silence

''It's okay Mrs. Archibald. You know Nate never pays attention anyway.'' She said and poorly smiled. Anne nodded and shrugged.

''Well, make yourself at home. I'm gonna go talk to your mother now''

''Home'' she muttered quietly to herself. She closed her eyes tightly, because the first thing that popped in to her mind was that damned beach house in Hampton…

_Flashback_

''_Nate-'' she said trough giggles. She couldn't believe he was actually giving her a piggy back ride. It was already pass midnight and the sky above them was lit with stars. In the movie she played over and over in her head, this was that perfect moment when the main character realizes how amazing her life is._

''_-I'm not tired anymore, I can walk now'' she said although he refused to let her take a step_

''_Shush, I'm your driver tonight'' he said back and smiled_

''_Well, we have reached our destination then'' she giggled and kissed the side of his neck_

_He finally put her down and made a turn to face her. Yes it sounds totally cliché and cheesy to say, but everything he ever wanted from life, he saw in her eyes. She was his missing puzzle piece, the apple of his eye, while he was probably the Dolce to her Gabbana or how ever she would put it._

''_Here we are-'' he said, his eyes averting to the well known house they had to visit every summer. Blair insisted._

''_Aaahh, the dream-'' she gasped. ''-I tell you Natie, this-'' she pointed to the house on top of the sand hill ''- will one day be ours, we will-''_

''_-raise our children here-'' Nate cut in, knowing the speech by heart_

''_-get a Great Dane …no two Great Dane's-''_

''_-and two cats. And we'll get married-''_

''_-yes'' and it was decided in her mind, a thousand times by then, that it was meant to be. She could only ever do any of those things with him, her first and only true love ''I know we're only 16...but I know it, I can feel it in my heart''_

_He leaned over to capture her lips gently ''It will all be ours, I promise''_

* * *

''Vanessa wait'' he was almost unable to catch up with her. It was him and his ten second blackout when she left the room at first. He was caged between what used to be and what was now. He chose now, he chose Vanessa. Of course he would. Vanessa was his heart now, hopefully for a longer period. And if he had any intension of it happening, he had to get her back.

''I'm sorry Nate, I just can't-'' she said on the verge of tears ''-what is she doing here? Did you not expect to find her here? Is this some kind of a sick Upper East Side prank to make me feel smaller than a grain of sand? Well you made it. Congratulations''

''I'm so sorry…Vanessa wait-'' he grabbed her by her hand to make her turn around ''-I had no idea she would be here…I'm just as….shocked as you are. But it doesn't even matter. V I don't care about her anymore. We've been together for five months, don't you think it's a little too late to blame me for suffering after another girl?''

''Fine-'' she breathed out, he did have a point, but not even his puppy eyes were working against Blair. She was concerned and had every reason to be ''- but just because it happened a 'long' time ago, doesn't mean it's over. Nate you've been together forever.''

There was a brief silence. All of the memories suddenly rushed to his head. It felt like that moment that everyone talks about right before dying. That few seconds when your whole life rushes trough your mind, all he could think about was the first time he saw her, the first time he kissed her, the first time he told her he loved her, the beach house, ruby red ring and her heart on his sleeve.

Those were all supposed to be replaced by the very moment he found out she cheated on him with his best friend. He was mad at her whole of this time; he never actually looked any further…any further to understand that he was the one who ruined their fairytale first. She just got back at him the best way she knew. And like always, she hit the right spot.

Maybe he was thinking of it now in the form of a pre- death state because something was ending. His history with Blair. And he was putting the stop on it now and for good.

''Blair doesn't mean a thing to me. I promise''

Maybe she doesn't mean a thing to you now Nate, but she sure will make this summer memorable for you…

* * *

Sorry it was so short. It was all I managed to write by now. I can't tell you when I'll update next, but keep in touch. You can also follow the story if you have an account. Don't forget to review, the story is just starting up ;) xo L


	4. The queen of everything

Hey guys, yes I know I seem like the biggest asshole ever for not updating this as promised, but I'm not doing it on purpose. What happened is that my motherboard went to hell and while I wait for my computer to come home from the guy that's repairing it, I can only snatch my mom's computer and not for a very long time so I really had no opportunities to write. I manage to write for like 20 minutes every day so it takes a while for a decent chapter to be finished. Sorry about that, as soon as my baby gets home we're back on track :D

I do not own the characters or songs, just the ideas.

* * *

''It's okay Blair, you can handle it…it's just 30 minutes there and you don't even have to see her anymore'' she repeated for the hundredth time while getting ready. Dinner with Nate's family…and Vanessa….and Nate. That oughta be good.

She figured she could go through this main one, just to say hi to everybody and then quietly disappear. She would hang around for a few days, make up some crises with Serena or an internship she has to do and get herself out of here.

''Blair, what's taking so long, everyone's already down there'' shit… she completely forgot about the time. Great. Surprisingly, getting attention was not what she craved right now. She changed drastically and often wondered what has gone wrong. Was it even wrong? She was brought up in such a scandalous world full of snotty rich people, champagne and brunch. Childhood was never a part of her early life.

Even when five, she was dressed up in the newest Eleanor Waldorf original, with a Tiffany hair band in her mocha locks and Prada ballet flats, attending all kind of Galas, having to remember everyone's name and their upbringing.

There were times when she thought turning in to her mother was a good thing, something to be proud of. Now it scared the living hell out of her. Sadly, it was pretty much inevitable.

* * *

''You look beautiful'' a voice behind her said. Usually it would make her knees buckle and spread a wild rosy blush across her cheeks, but now she had other things to worry about.

''I still can't see why this should work out'' she said numbly and washed his smile away. Just for once he wished she was more like Bl-

No. He didn't want that. He wanted Vanessa. Self unconscious and maybe a little (okay, a lot) insecure but loving girlfriend. No one else.

If she could only relax a bit.

''V, I told you, you have nothing to worry about, they all love you. Who cares about Blair or anyone else'' why was it so hard to say? He had no problem saying much worse things about her till now. He was so pissed with the whole 'let's play with Nate's heart and then screw him over for Chuck' thing that he had no problems keeping his words locked.

But now that she was here, it was different. He felt like she could read trough every single thing he even thought about her and even though it was far over and buried, he had a hard time hurting her.

He hated all of it. He wanted so badly to say so many things to her, everything he kept inside when she was around. Just yell at her. Ask her to answer so many unanswered questions. Like…_Why wasn't I good enough? Why would you just leave me? I loved you, I was ready to start a life with you, even though we were so young, I knew, you were the one I wanted to be with. Why…just why Blair?_

He knew the answer.

It was always the answer to anything in her life.

It was Chuck.

''Nate-'' Vanessa screamed all of a sudden ''- oh my god''

He broke out of his musing and looked at her confusingly.

''What?'' he spoke quietly, not aware of what was happening, not aware that he literally crushed the champagne glass that was in his palm a while ago and he was dripping blood all over his mother's pearly white carpet.

''Oh god. Shit. '' he cursed silently and went over to the marble bathroom

''What happened? You just spaced out'' he was acting weird all day, she knew the reason but she refused to believe it. Nate said there was nothing going on. She believed him. End of story. Blair Waldorf already ruined a lot for her, she wasn't about to ruin her relationship with Nate. Even if it took dressing up all classy and pretending to enjoy tennis with Nate's mother. She would do it.

''I don't know, I just….I'm okay. Let's go down'' he quickly changed the subject.

''Are you sure you're okay?'' she asked concerned

''Yes, it's just a little cut. I'm fine'' but he wasn't. In his mind it was Blair getting back at him for trying to think bad about her. It was insane what an impact she still held on his life. It had to stop. Even if it took thinking so hard he crushed a dozen of crystal glasses in his palm. ''You go down there, I'll come right after'' she didn't have a chance to protest, he was already out.

* * *

Blair ran her hand trough her hair one last time. She was just about to head out when there was a knock on her door.

''Mother I told you I was coming'' she hissed and rolled her eyes

''Whatever scheme or any kind of shitty thing you plan on pulling on Vanessa, you are going to stop''

She turned around, her heart beating rapidly. Not only that he was in her room, oh no, he was already accusing her of pulling shit on Vanessa.

''Get out'' she hissed back at him simply. It was the first time they talked since their last break up, which ended on bad terms. How bad? Words of _I hate you _and _I wish I never met you _were said, along with other things.

''Did you hear what I said Blair'' he grabbed her by her hand when she wanted to get around him

''Let go of me Nate-'' she pushed violently against his chest ''- I wouldn't get near her without a tetanus shot, let along waste my time on her'' she yelled and finally released herself from his grip

Right at that moment he had an urge to slap himself. Why? Instead of hate towards her, he was feeling nostalgic. Yes he was crazy mad at her….then why in god's fucking creation did he just want to…..kiss her. Yes, he had an insane need to just feel her lips against his one more time. It drove him above insane. Only Blair fucking Waldorf could ever make you feel that way. He needed to get himself out of there. He didn't say a word after that, he just let go of her abruptly and disappeared.

''What the hell-'' Blair yelled confused after him, but he was already gone.

* * *

Just like she thought, everyone was already there. Looking and feeling confident was never a problem until now. She could literally feel everyone's eyes glued to her while she walked down the stairs that led to the main dining room. Her head was still trying too hard to contemplate what the actual fuck Nate intended to do with his speech a while ago. She wanted to slap him hard…with a chair.

As uncomfortable as it was, she still felt happy to be around all of those people who really were her family. Nate's mom was more hers than Eleanor was and grandfather van der Bilt really was the grandpa she never had. She remembered how he used to watch over Nate and Blair for weeks when their parents were on their annual cruise. Everyone thought William was made from steel, but she saw him as a man who always gave her the last smore because they were her favorite.

Meanwhile Vanessa realized Nate's family really was amazing and she could get used to all of this, they were genuinely nice and not as near as snotty as she thought they were. The only one whose approval she was still craving for, was his grandfather's. She knew that he meant the most to Nate, yet she had the hardest time getting in touch with him. Things were finally falling in to place, until…

''oh, finally-'' Eleanor Waldorf spoke as her daughter made a rather captivating entrance. Blair had to hold the staircase fence a little harder than she already was, in order not to pass out. Her stomach was still empty from earlier this morning and it was either not eat anything (which was the only way to stop her from throwing up on purpose) or shove everything down her throat so she could latter shove her fingers down her throat.

She didn't want to do it. She wanted to stop desperately, but stopping now would be as possible as her parents getting back together.

It was killing her more and more every day. Everyone noticed the everyday paleness and the loss of weight, but no one had any intention of pointing it out. Others… others pretended not to see, just like her dear mother. After all, it's only a finite number of times a day that you can ''take a shower'' and let the water run for 20 minutes.

She thought she experienced every form of inner devastation and getting her heart ripped out and stomped on by now. Apparently she was wrong.

It was her spot. HER. SPOT. She has sat there - on the left side of the table, right in-between Nate's mother from her left and Nate from her right- from the first time she ever visited here. She sat there trough family reunions, birthdays, brunches, dinners…even funerals.

And now, Vanessa and her 20 dollar Juicy Couture last season dress, landed there.

She figured it was yet another ''subtle'' way of Nate telling her to go fuck herself.

She was okay with Vanessa taking the spot of Nate's girlfriend from her (she really wasn't okay with it thought), but this was too much not to flinch after. It took every last fiber of her being not to take one of those gorgeous crystal vases and throw it in her direction. She wouldn't mind if it hit Nate either.

Vanessa noticed the change on Blair's face immediately and couldn't help but feel a little better inside. It felt good to be the one causing her to flinch at least once. She couldn't help but feel self content about it. She was melting in to this world quite quickly and she already picked up a few snotty habits. After all, Serena van der Woodsen hung out at the Humphrey loft one too many times and showered them with her UES ''class''. It was an indescribable moment. She has never felt so selfish yet content in her life. She actually felt like one of them. The worst part was, she didn't feel sorry at all. In fact, she wanted to mess with queen B a little more.

Nate knew meeting Blair tonight was inevitable and he was very well aware of how it would affect Vanessa. Even more, after that debacle earlier tonight, he didn't know what to expect from Blair. He has made himself pretty clear.

What he didn't expect was Vanessa being so calm about it right about now. He was surprised to say at least when instead of panicking upon Blair's arrival, she just held his hand in hers and smiled to him sweetly. If it were anyone else, he would think they were doing it on purpose to affect Blair, but this was Vanessa. She would never do such thing.

Just like she wanted to, Vanessa saw Blair's eyes wander to hers and Nate's joined hands on the table. Not even a master of disguise like Blair could hide that anger and displeased attitude. She may as well put that huge fake smile on her flawless face, Vanessa hit a spot and she knew it.

Much to her disappointment, her moment of glory didn't last too long.

''Oh my goodness, Blair Cornelia Waldorf-'' Nate's grandfather, whom she saw smile for the first time since they came here, stood up to great Blair ''- well this definitely made my day''

Blair's mood rose up again as she finally smiled. Unlike _try too pathetically hard to bring you down_ Vanessa, Blair didn't have to do any of those things. The pure fact that everyone around here adored her was enough to make that bitch bitter.

As for Nate…well, he only made her will to ruin both him and Vanessa stronger. He wanted trouble, he would get it.

She smiled widely and went over to hug William right in front of Vanessa's hypocrite Brooklyn eyes.

You can try to poke a bee haw, but once the bees are out, you will get stung…

* * *

Yeah well, that's it for this chapter. Let the fun begin :D Hope you're in for some competitive bitchy Blair because that's what's ahead of you….don't forget to drop me a review ;) xo L

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	5. Surprise, surprise

Here it is, your weekly dose of Nair:D I hope it brightens up your day. Thank you for your amazing feedback, I love hearing your opinion on the progress of the story. Keep it coming.

Once again, sorry it took a while, I obviously can't manage school and stress and fanfiction and personal life all at once ;(

I do not own the characters or the songs, just the ideas.

* * *

Blair decided then and there that she would hold back no more. She smiled widely at grandfather van der Bilt and graciously took the offer to sit next to him. All of the moping and nostalgia were gone. Now all she aimed for was showing everyone how serious she can be.

That lump was back in Nate's throat as soon as his ''wonderful'' former girlfriend decided to throw yet another show for them, or so it seemed.

He wanted to shoot her a warning look, but it was not like she was paying any attention to him. He took a deep breath to set himself straight and stop worrying about nonsense stuff. He was probably overreacting. By now, he expected from Blair to grow up a bit… then again, this was Blair.

The only thing missing now was Chuck.

The dinner itself was as big of a disaster as he imagined it to be, well, depending on which side of the table you were sitting at.

You had nervous wreck Nate, jealous Vanessa and Nate's mom desperately trying not to comment on Vanessa's free spirited beliefs on one, and a bubbly Blair, his talkative grandfather and cousins who all seemed to adore Blair on the other.

Also, the theme of tonight's dinner was 'Blair Waldorf for life''

* * *

As she closed the door of the bedroom she was given, Blair Waldorf did the thing she always did first when entering a room; she checked her reflection in the mirror.

There was not a time when she was content with what she saw. She was, as everyone said, flawless. That was on the outside. Maybe that's why she never felt beautiful enough, she was rotten on the inside, it was eating her outer beauty away.

The next step was observing her body. She quickly slipped out of her dress and let it fall to the floor. Her stomach was flat, but not enough. Maybe if she was skinnier then, had longer blonder hair and blue eyes, Nate would have waited for her, not sleep with Serena. He wouldn't have left her, neither would Chuck.

Her bare knees hit the cold bathroom floor and today she feels so down and devastated already, she doesn't need a toothbrush to start off.

* * *

The next morning was a surprisingly peaceful one, or so she thought.

She definitely wasn't ready for a wakeup call as powerful as someone literally hopping on to your sleeping form but that was exactly what she got.

''What the hell?'' she murmured, still very much asleep. The only person who could ever wake her up like that was-

''-Serena?!'' she gasped quietly as she rose her head from underneath the duvet. Her eyes went wide as there really was her best friend.

''You bet your skinny ass it's Serena-'' the bubbly blonde spoke and beamed at her. Only Serena could look like a runway model at….ugh 6 am.

''What are you doing here, I thought you were cruising the Adriatic with your mom and Eric''

''There's only a finite number of times one can listen to her mother complain of the poor service on deck. Besides, someone has to keep you away from killing Vanessa'' she said and rose her eyebrows

Blair rolled her eyes and sunk down in to the comfort of the four poster bed.

''I couldn't give a damn about Vanessa…or Nate'' she said in hushed tones and put on her poker face

''Who said anything about Nate?'' Serena said and gave her a smartass smile

* * *

Vanessa leaned on the cold stone structure dividing the huge garden from the van der Bilt fortune and breathed in deeply. She did not need this. Maybe trying too hard really didn't pay off, she was putting every last fiber of her being to make this work, yet she failed miserably every time.

She could have been in Brooklyn right now, maybe serving some coffee to local artists or simply chill in the Humphrey lot, Rufus and his guitar humming in the background while Dan is there scrunching yet another failed chapter of his story.

And instead? She was stuck at a mansion that felt like a country club with Nate who was everything but himself lately.

This was not the Nate she fell for. Just a few months ago, when he was still living at Dan's, he was so humble and nice. She could have talked to him for hours and even made him serve people coffee once just for fun.

She smiled at the memory. She missed him.

Everything was drastically different over here. Now her once humble Nate was on the golf court, playing golf with his elite group of friends who found it fun to steal their parent's credit cards and max them out to buy a Lamborghini.

He promised her he would never leave her side, he also promised things wouldn't change. Well they did.

At least they still had their late summer of backpacking.

* * *

''So Nate, we heard you got into Yale'' one of his cousins, Marco, said.

Nate smiled awkwardly, yes he did get into Yale, but he only got in because of his grandfather…besides he didn't even want Yale, he wanted Columbia University which he got in without any help. But he still didn't tell anyone, he knew his family would highly disagree because every one of them had different plans for him. He didn't tell Vanessa because…well he didn't know why. He just didn't feel the need to tell her.

He still felt kind of bad for leaving her alone this morning, she said she was okay, but he knew she wasn't. Even worse, he had no guilt in to leaving her. He missed his family and his friends over here and since Vanessa thought they were all snobs and refused to hang out with them, he had to go alone.

He wished it was simpler with her. Then again, if she was some regular UES girl it wouldn't be the same.

* * *

''Why won't you just admit'' Serena insisted

''Admit what Serena? I don't know what you're talking about'' she stuck to her gut. She would rather let Serena eat her alive than admit how she really felt about certain people.

''Blair, you were together for a little eternity, it would not be normal if you had no feelings left for him''

''Left for who? Chuck? We're done. He's a slut, I finally see it. End of story. Would you just cut it out'' Blair spoke quickly while she paced around her room trying to find something perfect to wear.

''I wasn't talking about Chuck. I was talking about Nate'' Serena practically yelled, she was getting more frustrated by the minute. She knew it was the only way to get any emotion out of Blair.

Blair ran the brush trough her hair more forceful than the first time. It was what mention of Nate did to her. She had enough trouble coping with her confusion and feelings already, she didn't need Serena pointing it out.

''Are you really not going to say anything?'' Serena asked disappointedly. Blair remained quiet.

''Great, then live in denial as long as you want. No wonder you're so messed up-'' it was kind of true, but she never wanted to say it out loud and hurt her best friend. Serena cursed herself quietly and went over to her friend quickly

''-that's not what I meant Blair, I'm so sorry-'' she said apologetically ''-I'm such a moron. I know you've had enough drama with Nate and Chuck and Nate again…and me-'' she shouldn't have said anything at all ''-I will leave you alone now''

''I have been alone for a while now Serena.'' She said simply and continued to apply makeup. Serena walked back to her side again with a confused look on her super model face.

''I don't understand Blair-''

''-Of course you don't Serena, you never will-'' not after you slept with my boyfriend who meant so much more to me.

''-Blair-''

''-You can go now.'' Blair said calmly and proceeded to ignore her so called best friend. Serena was still a child in her mind, she had no idea what was really going on before her eyes and when told that Blair forgave her, actually believed it.

Blair wanted to forgive her, she really did. But she really couldn't. Things would never be the same between the three former friends; you'd be crazy to think they will.

It was easy for Serena not to understand why Blair had to look perfect and try extra harder to reach the bar. Unlike the brunette, the blonde got trough life by simply giving out guilty smiles to everyone. All of them melted in to a puddle right away and everything was forgiven. Unfortunately for S, a guilty smile won't be enough this time.

* * *

Vanessa stood above the golf court motionless for the past half an hour, she couldn't lie, Nate seemed happy over there with his family and friends. Then why was she so miserable here? She felt so misplaced and Nate felt out of character. It was probably because it was her first time seeing him in his world. She hoped they could go back to their peaceful UES- Brooklyn world really soon.

''Hey, Vanessa, right?''

Vanessa turned around as a girl, Tripp's fiancée if she remembered right, broke her out of her musings. She smiled politely and nodded her head yes.

''Yeah-'' she said kind of awkwardly, she was almost afraid to be alone with any member of his family. Partially because she could get annoyed very easily and she knew these people weren't humble, partially because she didn't want to embarrass herself.

''-I'm Maureen, Tripp's fiancée. Nate told us a lot about you-'' truth to be told, Maureen couldn't care less about the girl. She was only here because like most of the family she had to keep her eye on the money and the status. When she first heard that the current one of Nate's flavors was an activist and some kind of a hippy artist or whatever, she wasn't pleased. Grandfather wanted to get Nate in to politics as soon as he could. It didn't matter that Nate had no idea what's ahead of him, grandfather had it all planned. It was perfect for Maureen too, because a renewed family picture and Nate joining the heritage meant better social status for the whole family and more benefits for her. Therefore, if there was someone to try and stop Nate from following his family wishes, Maureen had to take care of it.

''-he mentioned you're an activist in your area? Do you live with your family? I heard you're not interested in going to college'' she said with a fake smile and tried to be convincing.

Vanessa made a weird grimace and smiled back awkwardly. Here it goes, as if she didn't expect the interrogation ''Umm…I live alone in a loft above a coffee shop I work in. My parents are separated and mostly travelling around Europe. I don't see the point in going to college-'' wrong answer ''-I mean, not for me, I want to travel and see the world, I think college would tie me down. But Nate will be amazing wherever he chooses, I'm sure''

''Yeah, well the major's office internship never disappoints, Nate is perfect for it, besides, it's a long summer''

''Excuse me? Internship?''

Why so surprised V?

* * *

It was probably his third time going all around the place, he still couldn't find Vanessa anywhere. He had no idea why she would simply disappear, if he recalls correctly, he saw her while playing golf earlier. She was talking to Maureen and then she was just gone. He refused to believe Maureen had anything to do with it. In his eyes his family was still honest and fair. However he always had a bad feeling when it came to Tripp's fiancé. That girl was as tricky as devil himself.

He sighed, waiting for the elevator to take him downstairs.

Blair huffed in to her phone while trying to manage walking, organizing a happening on the UES and arguing with the interior designer over the phone all at once. She thanked goodness that the elevator doors were already open cause she couldn't manage it by herself right now.

Only a little too late did she notice that she wasn't alone.

Nate.

He was whipped away by the Chanel scent he knew too well.

The doors closed in a second.

* * *

Once again, sorry it took so long, I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to drop me a review ;) till next chapter, xo L


	6. There's no brown in blue

Hello hello! Guess what? I updated on time? That can't be right :D but it is. I finally have free time again. It's been a while. Also, my baby (aka laptop) is finally back. Thanks for putting up with me and my weird update schedule. I hope there are people who still read this.

Thanks for your amazing feedback, it's really motivational :D

* * *

His mouth cracked open a tiny bit. It was hard to remain calm in a situation like this. If he only took the stairs…

She wanted to turn around and get the hell away from that elevator but the damn door was shut close and tight, they were going down.

It was the first time they've made real eye contact in months.

Three whole seconds. Three seconds where no words were spoken but everything was. In Blair's mind he was still just a blonde boy whom she fell in love with in kindergarten, her high school sweetheart that used to spend an entire afternoon with her, watching Audrey Hepburn movies against his will, but still did because he loved her.

She wondered if she was still the same old Blair to him, the one he put up with despite her imperfections and insecurities.

She quickly broke the stare because too much was too much. She knew this few seconds with him meant torture. The confusion from their last encounter played around her brain though. She debated whether to mention anything or let the awkward silence set in.

It was that three second eye contact that assured her she was still very much in love with him. She didn't need any proof. She could feel it within her, beating rapidly in her heart, her mind going dizzy and her blood boiling up. It was the first time in a while (since him, to be exact) that a boy made her nervous. She still loved him, even after all the heart ache.

And it killed her.

The truth was, she couldn't choose who to fall for. He may mistreat her, ignore her, hurt her numerous times, but she would stay with him no matter what. She did, even after she found out about his betrayal. She couldn't help it. Why?

It wasn't because she liked to get hurt or she was stupid. It was because no matter what, she always saw the best in him. Despite all of their arguments, he was the one that made her feel that special way no one else could. She valued the feeling, even though it hurt. Her brain wouldn't let him leave her mind, just like her heart wouldn't allow him to leave her life.

She did look away after those few seconds. He didn't. He couldn't get his eyes off of her, she was still the same old girl that captivated him and kept his attention whenever he saw her. Maybe it was because he hasn't seen her for a while, but she seemed even more beautiful than she was. It was almost absurd because he once thought one couldn't be more beautiful than she already was.

Yes it was wrong and he shouldn't be thinking about another girl like that when he had a perfectly beautiful girlfriend himself, but it was just…Blair. No girl could ever measure with his first love and Vanessa was no exception.

But this was just physical beauty, nothing more. He had no other feelings towards her. He couldn't possibly. He was in love with Vanessa and she was the right one for him.

He and Blair weren't even friends anymore, as much as he was concerned.

Just a few more agonizingly long seconds and they were there. The torture would stop.

Spoke too soon…

For a moment she thought she was imagining it all in her head, the lights flashing on and off, the sudden movement that stopped the whole elevator and made them crush against the elevator walls and the panic that swiped trough her system in a second.

''What the hell-'' she muttered. The light kept flashing on and off

''You've got to be kidding me'' he rubbed his hands against his temple and prayed for the elevator to miraculously start working again. Was he getting punished for something? Spending a minute in the elevator with Blair was hard enough already, now they were trapped in here.

''From all the goddamn times it had to get broken now'' he said angrily not even paying attention

Blair raised her eyebrows reading from context. So he was cocky now? She could play that game. No matter how she felt about him, he still annoyed the absolute hell out of her and most of the times she wanted to set him on fire…along with the Brooklyn girl. This was one of those times.

''What's that supposed to mean?'' she replied with the same amount of sass.

Nate looked over at her exhausted physically and mentally.

''Nothing. It means nothing-''

''-Do you think I'm stupid Nate? I can take your eye rolls, pretending not to see me, huffing every time you pass by me… subtleness is not your strong point. No need to hide your disappointment'' she hissed and took in a deep breath. Wherever this was going, it's not going to end good.

He wasn't too surprised by her little outburst, where came Blair Waldorf, there was drama involved.

''Fine. So you're not my favorite person right now. Have a problem with that?'' he knew her better than anyone (even though Chuck was the one who claimed to know her best) and he knew the right ways to talk to her in situations like this. When it comes to Blair, you have to fight fire with fire.

'_You're not my favorite person right now?' _So this little feud was officially personal now?

''Luckily I'm not the only to notice the poor company arrangement''

''Yeah, you'd much rather have Chuck here, right? I mean I'm just guessing, if he has a thing for limos, he must have a thing for elevators too, very classy'' no bitterness was lost on any side of the conversation

''Huh, just like your girlfriend has a things for hobo filled alleys? And not to leave out Brooklyn lofts that have garage doors instead of walls''

''Well you must be so fucking thrilled that Chuck is here to save the day right?''

Blair's face went pale. Chuck? As in Chuck Bass was here? Just what the situation needed. She wasn't sure how to feel about that. A part of her, a big part, wished to send him some place so far away, not even the FBI would find him. But there was a little part, that tingly little part that was glad because she could already feel jealousy being ripped out of Nate.

''What?'' she asked quietly and out of daze.

As much as he wanted to, Nate couldn't get rid of that bitter taste in his mouth. He noticed the change in her behavior right away; well she must be so fucking happy right now. The love of her life is coming here to save her from an awful summer and being trapped inside an elevator with him.

One thing was sure; Nate positively won't be around for that to happen. For all he knew, Chuck was dead to him.

After a couple of moments and him refusing to answer her question, she gave up on trying or even thinking about having any kind of relationship with either of the two boys.

''Just call for some help'' she said poorly and got her own phone out

''There's no signal-'' he slumped down to the floor ''-we're trapped in here''

''No….no. I'm getting out of here-'' she said trying to stop herself from hitting him with her clutch ''-even if it took yelling 'till my throat bleeds''

''What-''

''-HEEEEELP- she shouted from the top of her lungs and scared the shit out of him ''-I'M TRAPPED IN HERE WITH A GUY WHO WEARS PLAID''

Nate rolled his eyes. If she didn't annoy him so much right now, he would even feel nostalgic, this was the same old Blair he ''missed''.

''Try yelling harder, maybe Chuck will hear you'' he said sarcastically. She glared at him with full force and once again had to contain herself from slapping him.

The awkward silence filled the room once more. Blair leaned against the wall and closed her eyes for a minute trying to eliminate the strong headache she was currently experiencing. They can't be in here for too long because a disaster will happen. He knew it, she knew it, yet there was nothing they could do about it. It was only a matter of time when one of them would break.

''I hate you Nate'' it was her and even though she loved him, she hated him. Her voice was quiet and it cracked in the middle of the sentence. It was like trying to stop herself from saying it, but it needed to be said.

It was a single sentence that shouldn't mean a thing to him, since he had no feelings left for her anymore, but, it tore his heart apart.

He didn't know what to say. How do you reply to that? He knew she wasn't fond of him, but to hear that she hated him… it made things real. The most devastating part of it was, she wasn't lying. He knew just how her body reacted when it told the truth and hers one was doing it justice. He took in a deep breath and nodded his head slowly ''I know''

''No you don't. You have no idea what you're doing-''

''What are you-'' he tried to catch up with what she was saying but it made no sense, she was cutting him off like always

''Why would you even be with Vanessa, who would ever want that-''

It was for him to cut her off this time ''-because she's nice and beautiful…and selfless, she's amazing on the outside and on the inside. Something you'll never understand''

His voice cut like glass trough her, it made her stop breathing for a second. Eye for an eye, right?

More like heart for a heart.

Just before they could say anything more the lights switched back on and the elevator dinged. She pulled herself up from the floor without even looking at him and stormed out.

She didn't want him to see her cry.

* * *

Nate picked himself up from the floor. The weight in his chest never seemed so heavy. He wandered back to his bedroom in search for rest. Maybe tomorrow morning things wouldn't be so fucked up.

''Nate-'' it was the voice he expected to hear, but not the one his heart wanted.

''Vanessa, where were you this whole time?'' he sat on the edge of the bed and eloped her in a hug, hoping he would get that warm feeling back

''Where were you? I've been looking for you'' she's been worried out of her mind

''I got trapped inside an elevator-'' he said poorly, he didn't want to give out any details or even talk about what happened in there. He was still emotionally raw.

''Was someone in there with you, are you okay?''

He was quiet for a second.

''No-'' he said quietly ''-there wasn't-'' he never lied to her since the first day of their relationship, not until now ''-I'm fine''

''Are you coming to bed?'' she craved for things to go back to normal, back to where they were before they came here. She wanted nothing more but for him to just lie next to her and wrap his arms around her lulling her to sleep like he used to.

''You know what, I'm not that tired. You just go to sleep, I'll join you later'' he said and gave her a poor smile after kissing her forehead. She nodded with disappointment written in her eyes and laid back in to the bed that seemed so cold all of a sudden.

Later on when he finally did lay down, something felt different. It wasn't like his feelings changed for the girl lying next to him and he was having an affair where he would stay awake trough the whole night, hoping Vanessa wouldn't catch the hint of another girl's perfume on his shirt. But there was obviously a reason why he didn't tell the tempered girl that Blair was with him today and he suddenly felt heartbroken.

His eyelids shut slowly and the view of the sleeping blue eyed girl next to him was replaced with the one of a house on the top of a sand hill, two Great Danes and the promises he gave out to his favorite brunette.

* * *

Hope you liked it:) your reviews are really motivational so I encourage them;) till next update, xo L


	7. Confusion

Hello, yes I know it took much longer than usually to update, but I had my reasons. Also…tomorrow is my birthday and I wanted to update close to it because I'm so happy and in a good mood. I'm even giving you an extra long chapter. I hope you enjoy and I hope I'm doing everything right. My review rates have fallen down a bit so I was concerned for a little bit that I've lost readers cause of my stupid update schedule, sorry for that and I hope you are still reading it. There for, don't be shy, leave a review ;D you can't imagine how nice and motivational it gets, it's always nice to feel appreciated and I'm lucky to have great people like you to read my story. I hope it brightens up your day.

I do not own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas are mine.

* * *

''Blair where have you been last night, you didn't even show up for the dinner….and you weren't in your room, I looked everywhere for you'' the blonde shouted as she barged in to her bedroom second day in a row. Her hair was almost as blindingly bright as the violent sun, it made her flinch and put her sating pillow over her head. She wasn't in the mood to talk today…no, she wasn't in the mood to live today.

She had a sleepless night, again caused by a certain blue eyed boy and felt like a broken guitar string.

''I've been in bed'' she said drily and hoped to drive the blonde away. She knew it was a poor lie and Serena already said she went looking for her in the bedroom, but she didn't care. She was not about to mention the elevator scene to anyone ever. Let along Serena.

Blair had a hard time coping with her failed relationships and where her life was going on, she didn't need her ''perfect'' friend to analyze and criticize her, she had her mother for that.

''What happened to you B? This is not the Blair Waldorf we all know and love…and get irritated by'' S tried to cheer her best friend up, she managed to earn a small chuckle from the brunette which was just enough.

''Fine, you don't want to talk.-'' she carelessly plopped down to the bed crushing Blair underneath. She nudged her to the side and made herself comfortable on the midnight blue sheets. The whole room reminded her of Blair's room in the Waldorf penthouse. She remembers Nate had it redecorated a few years ago just for Blair, back when they were still the golden couple and she didn't interfere with their relationship. Nate must have really loved her best friend. It were moments like this when she felt self-conscious and aware of the damage she was often doing – not on purpose…most of the time.

She wondered what would their lives look like right about now if she just kept her hands off.

The two of them would probably be in the same position, laying on this comfortable four poster bed on a lazy Sunday morning. Nate would join them after noon, because he always tends to sleep in. He would crawl in to the bed on Blair's side and held her in his arms while Serena would put in the surprisingly functional tape of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Blair would spend the entire afternoon in her boyfriend's warm embrace while they would listen to Serena's every occasional whines about a certain boy that recently broke her heart or her rants on love and how it doesn't exist. Blair would simply laugh at her friend and let Nate hold her tighter, she knew what real love meant.

It could have been perfect…but it's not.

Now, Serena was lying on the same bed with Blair, minus Nate. Blair had no one to cuddle in to so she hid her petite little form under the heavy duvet and waited for the night to come so she wouldn't have to hide out and Serena would leave her alone.

As for Serena, she always tried to make things better, even though she made it even worse afterwards.

''Wanna watch Breakfast at Tiffany's?'' she asked quietly. Blair removed the pillow from her head but remained silent

Serena got herself up on those long tanned legs and put the well known tape in.

This time around, she didn't bitch about her latest heartbreak, because really, what could she say? ''That last guy was a mistake, he's still in love with his ex girlfriend, I feel sorry for the girl…I should have known it was fake, he didn't even look me in the eyes once''

It wouldn't be so involuntary if _the last guy_ wasn't Nate…which he was.

* * *

Vanessa sat up on the once again empty bed. She huffed quietly and bit her bottom lip. By this point, she had no idea what was going on or what to do. All she knew was that Nate was acting not at all like himself and she could only hope this wasn't temporary. She was with him for most time, but never felt so distant. Even in New York they didn't spend as much time together but she felt loved for most of it. Now, she hasn't heard an 'I love you' from Nate's side in days and he was always distracted with something else, whether it was a family thing, something personal or simply playing lacrosse with his buddies, which once became more important than her.

There was also that one thing that kept the back of her mind busy and dizzy for days…his so called major internship. She didn't ask anything about it or even mentioned it after her talk with Maureen that day. Nate warned her times before that the only reason Maureen lived was to harm the others, she wanted to be sure before making assumptions. After all, this was Nate. Her Nate…and she hoped to get him back as soon as possible. Either that, or he can continue the way he has started; on his own.

* * *

''So Nate, anything on college? The acceptance letters for all the ivy schools have been given out, either you didn't get in any one of them or you're hiding something from us'' Tripp briefly changed the topic of the conversation and caught Nate unprepared

''Wh-what are you talking about Tripp? You know I got Yale'' he tried to cover it up, so what if he was planning on bashing Yale and go to Columbia instead, he knew that if anyone else knew they would blab out to his grandfather or his mother and then…the river of disappointment will cruise its course. He was very well aware that he'll have to tell everyone eventually, he just didn't want to spoil his and his family's summer vacation.

Tripp chuckled under his breath and shook his head ''Nate my friend, you may be much things, but you're not a good liar. And yes, I know you got Yale, but I also know you want something completely different''

Nate smiled sincerely and nodded. Tripp was basically his best friend since his early childhood (if he had any) he could at least tell him the truth.

He was never good with secrets anyway, it always annoyed Blair, she was the scheming one. Nate could never be included in her little bitch projects because he was too inconvenient and honest to people. He couldn't keep a secret down or at least tell a good lie for nothing. She used to tease him about how nervous he got and tortured him with practicing his lies on her just to make her laugh. He smiled to himself, but it quickly faded away. Why was he thinking of Blair so much lately? He was getting more and more nostalgic with the day. It was probably this place and all the time he used to spend here when he was younger. His brunette and her blonde friend…well their blonde friend, and of course Chuck, used to spend their entire summers here. It was back then when they still had some of their innocence and things weren't utterly fucked up.

At least he still had Tripp, he knew he would never betray him in a way that would break him inside out and ruin him for good, or so he hoped for.

''Well now that you've mentioned it. I have something to admit-'' Tripp looked at him knowingly so he continued ''-I got into Columbia….and I'm going to Columbia''

He didn't want to add anything else in, he just wanted to see Tripp's reaction.

''So no Yale?'' Tripp asked calmly

''No, no Yale. I wanted to see if I could get in a college I actually want by myself, and I got in and it's absolutely amazing. I hoped that at least you would understand''

''Nate, I know grandfather and Ann and all of them want you to follow the unfortunate politic steps and go to Yale, but I'm your friend, and if you really want Columbia then I'm happy for you''

Nate cracked a smile and felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. It was great to get some support for once in his life.

To his grandfather he was a puppet which he thought he could manipulate.

To his mother he was a screw up like his dad.

To Blair and maybe to Vanessa, he was someone who kept disappointing them.

At least to Tripp he was someone worthy.

''How does Vanessa feel about you going to Columbia?''

Nate almost felt stupid right then for having to admit that he never told Vanessa. It had nothing to do with her though, it was just that Nate wasn't ready to tell anyone.

''I didn't actually tell her, you're the first person to know''

Tripp was surprised but kept it to himself, he didn't want to ask Nate any additional questions, knowing fair well not to mess with anyone's relationships.

''It actually makes sense-'' he said while Nate reverted his eyes back to him '' You were meant for something else, Yale was meant for-'' and he stopped himself before uttering the name. The realization that things weren't the same as they were a year ago hit him and he bit his tongue down on time.

For a brief second Nate hated Tripp for coming back to that, he was having troubles himself not to think about…her…and everything related.

''-for Blair'' Nate said drily as his cousin looked down at the marble floor and nodded his head silently.

He finally raised his head and let his mouth fall agape ''Nate, I think I'll leave you alone now''

Nate looked back at him confused, then he realized someone entered the room.

''Chuck?'' he muttered angrily to himself ''-no need to leave Tripp, I'm not staying anyways''

Nate said stubbornly and headed out. Chuck followed in sync whilst trying to get in touch with him

''Nathanial-'' Nate had no intention to stop or turn around. He just needed out of there. Chuck followed him outside.

''come on Nate, can you just talk to me?'' by now Chuck was desperate to get him to listen. It was true what everyone said that Chuck had no feelings towards a live human being, but there was always an exception. And to the surprise of many, that exception wasn't Blair.

It was Nate, and even though Blair was the first girl he had a real thing for, he wasn't about to let it ruin his relationship with Nate. If he was any smarter, he would have thought of that before sleeping with his girl. He broke the code and he knew it, it killed him.

''You know what Chuck, I'm about to say something no one has ever told you before-'' Nate said, as they reached the parking lot, his cold stare was saying everything ''-no'' he sat inside his midnight blue Porsche and angrily shoved the key inside, driving off to who knows where, leaving Chuck with a defeated look on his face behind.

* * *

He let himself go for once and thought about his own feelings for a change. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if they just stayed at home in New York, where they could keep avoiding each other and pretending they never met.

The wind blowing in his face was a good change, he had no idea where he wanted to go or where to take a turn, but he felt like he was unconsciously going somewhere important.

It wasn't until his car was already parked that he realized exactly where he was. Before his eyes was spread a white family house with ivy along the rims and a stone driveway. He got himself out of the car and breathed in that familiar smell of the sea, hoping it would make his life easier even for a second. Why did he even come here? He felt like Blair was all he thought about lately, she dominated his mind and his body. He needed to get her out of her system before he could move on with Vanessa.

Yes, he needed to move on, the only question was….how?

* * *

''What do are we going to do today?'' Serena asked casually spreading herself over Blair's bed. She has had enough of her already. Not just for today, but for the whole time. She could pretend all she wanted that things are the same as they were, but Blair won't.

''What makes you think we're doing anything.'' It was more of a statement than a question, a statement that left Serena frowning in shock over her friend's straight point.

''I just thoug-'' she said poorly but Blair had no intention to joke around

''-You thought what? That you coming here and us watching an Audrey movie together would make everything alright? And it's not even us, there's no us Serena, you broke that-'' she was yelling at her uncontrollably, she held it all inside her for so long, she had enough of pretending and enough of Serena. ''-and nothing is going to be alright while you're here and you're keeping me down. You had everything…everyone loved you. But I didn't care, because I knew I had something better, I had him. He loved me…for the first time in my life, it wasn't Serena and that other brunette. It was Blair and that other girl. You just couldn't take that, could you? You had to take him away from me too. What else do you want?''

Serena stood up both upset and angry at the same time. Blair was right on every count, yet Serena didn't want to believe a thing. Blair was no one to call her out on that matter. Just like Blair, Serena still had feelings for Nate but refused to admit it to him, him sleeping with her meant something to her, and she wanted to believe it meant something to him too. She wanted to feel loved for once, not just feel like trash that Blair often called her out to be.

''If you were ever enough for him, he wouldn't have cheated on you, but he did Blair-'' she yelled back ''- he always wanted me''

Her yell out session was soon quieted by the impact of Blair's slap

''Get out'' Blair yelled right before bursting out in tears.

Serena has had enough with her, she wanted to slap her back but Blair has already pushed her out and smashed the door in her face. She was unconscious of what has just happened and only felt anger and wish for revenge. There was still a little part of her that felt heart broken. She didn't know whether it was because of Blair or Nate, yet she had no intention to find out.

She had decided for herself. She came here with the idea of getting Nate back (well, it's not like she ever had him) in the first place and covered it up with the excuse of helping Blair get through the day. Now she only made things worse for the brunette, but at this point, she couldn't afford to care.

Blair hated her, let it be. If anything, it's even better this way, at least now she doesn't have to feel sorry for possibly getting it on with Nate.

There was one person she completely forgot about, well two to be exact. One in her advantage and one in her disadvantage. Luckily, her advantage has just arrived.

''Someone's looking rather angry…or embarrassed'' Chuck said lazily getting in to his character. Serena wasn't in the mood to deal with him too now, that is until an idea popped in to her mind.

''Chuck…I was just visiting Blair'' she said to distract him while working on her plan

Chuck's face became serious again, why was it that everyone cared so much about Blair fucking Waldorf. Serena, who was supposed to be her friend, and never even think about hurting her, ended up harming her the most. She was in a vicious circle and it was too late to stop now.

''She's in her old room-'' she said and reverted her expression from angry to fake worried ''-she's feeling very down Chuck, she told me that-'' she stopped herself on purpose and faked a hurt expression ''-ugh, forget it'' she went around him to leave. Chuck grabbed her arm in a millisecond

''-she told you what?'' he asked with a harsh tone. Serena wriggled her arm away from his grip.

''I wouldn't usually tell anyone, but you are my brother…and Blair is my best friend, I care about her so much and she's torturing herself-'' she took a deep breath ''-Chuck, Blair is still in love with you, she's been crying about it, that's why I left, she kicked me out because I said you've moved on'' she lied trough her teeth and hoped Chuck would buy it. She wasn't overly concerned since everything involving Blair made Chuck insane.

''Do you still love her?'' she asked innocently. He probably didn't, he wasn't capable of that. But that was the whole point; Chuck didn't know what love feels like so she might as well convince him he did. ''-I know you care, just go and talk to her Chuck, please. She's miserable without you, and I know you want her too''

Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely a lie, at least the second part of it.

''If you insist, I'm gonna go see if I can do anything, I'm in a mood to play around and Blair is my favorite playmate'' he said in his sultry tone and continued down the hall. Serena smiled to herself victoriously and pressed the elevator button.

As the doors opened, she was greeted by her favorite pair of ocean blue eyes.

''Nate-'' her smile brightened although Nate's expression stayed blank. He was feeling utterly nervous because of what he was about to do. He was here to see Blair, he wasn't sure why and it didn't make any sense, but nothing involving him and Blair did. He just knew he had to see her and talk to her. He couldn't continue like this, not after what happened in that elevator and his inability to stop thinking about her ever since.

''Hey Serena'' he faked a smile just wanting to get rid of her. She was still dear to him, only as a friend of course, also, he wasn't aware of how sullied the perfect blonde really was.

''What are you doing up here?'' she became suspicious right away, the only rooms on this floor were the library, her room and Blair's room, and she doubted he was here to see her, let along read a book…that only leaves-

''I'm just-'' he figured he could tell her, she was one of his closest friends, the honest one, and she was the only person who understood Blair as good as he did ''-I have to see Blair''

She was on the verge of crying hearing Blair's name. So the bastard still had feelings for her. Why didn't he ever look for her after their fall out. She refused to admit that Blair was right and to that, refused to believe that Nate was over her. She loved him, she needed to have her fairytale ending, be one half of the golden couple. She was desperate to feel loved. Nate was the closest she got to that. That is why she did what she had to do in order to protect her own feelings out of pure selfishness.

''Blair's in her room'' and as soon as Nate would see Chuck in there with Blair, his stupid ideas of ever being on solid ground with her, would be erased.

* * *

''Chuck?'' Blair asked in shock as she got out her bathroom. She was in her short silky night gown and her eyes were still puffy from crying over Nate and Serena…and mostly Nate. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, and for that matter, she didn't want him in here in the first place.

''Sshh-'' he shushed her down and took a step closer to her ''-I'm here to get rid of your sudden depression…and preferably your clothes'' his hand was on her tight, not for long. Blair slapped his hand away angrily

''Who the hell do you think you are Chuck?-'' she was disgusted with his behavior and him only seeing her as a sex object. ''-get out''

''Come on B, stop pretending like you don't want this…I know everything, and pardon me, but I'm not in the mood to play the cat and mouse game tonight''

She was mentally exhausted and tired of everything, she was too busy looking at the floor to notice how close he got to her, especially when she raised her head up and ended up not looking at his poisonous features, but getting caught in a kiss.

Nate took a deep breath before lightly knocking on her door, he didn't want to startle her or anything. There was no answer but he decided to check in anyway.

He wished he didn't.

* * *

Huu haah, you see that? Almost 4000 words and a double chapter for you :D I hope it was worth waiting for. I'm already working on a new chapter, your only job is to review ;) till next update xo L


	8. What about V?

Hello, guess what? Today is exactly one year since I posted my first ever fanfiction :D I don't know if you guys remember but it pretty much sucked and I have an urge to face palm numerous times when I read it over and over again, but that's okay I guess, for a first story and lousy knowledge of English, that's what you get. I really hope I've gotten better (at least my grammar did…I think). I can't believe I've managed to write 8 stories, when I first started reading Nair fanfic I thought I could never accomplish to write a story and even if I did, no one would probably read it. Looks like I was wrong, and if you are a regular reader….or you just joined now, thank you. Your reviews, follows and favorites mean a lot. I hope there are more productive years to come. Sorry for the long intro, but you know me by now…

Also, thank you for your birthday wishes, I had an amazing time:)

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

She didn't really know why, but Blair let Chuck kiss her. Maybe she was trying to find that old spark again, that would help her forget about Nate and let her relive those few fun months she had with Chuck. Unfortunately, nothing. She was not in to the kiss for a while and waited for Chuck to realize it too. She hoped that he would also realize there's nothing left from that fling and that it was just that – a fling.

She was about to move away from him and break their lip lock but someone was faster. She heard a light knock on her front doors, it was so silent and familiar, she was probably just imagining it.

Those white doors soon opened wide, just like her eyes when she caught a glance of the person ''interrupting'' them. She pushed Chuck away with both arms. Sure she was tiny and weak, but the fear and shock that overwhelmed her gave her strength.

She felt so low and pathetic standing before him she wanted to cry. If there was God, why was he punishing her.

This was it. In her head her world was crushing, it was coming to an end. She would usually search for comfort in Nate during this kind of situations. Now she was sure he just wanted her gone.

He opened his mouth slightly and saw her shake a bit, like she was afraid of him, not physically, but afraid of his words.

It was even worse than she expected, he didn't utter a single word, he just stood there, looking at both of them disappointed.

She should convince herself that she had nothing to be ashamed of, Nate was the one with a girlfriend and the one who cheated first, she should feel clean before him, but she felt everything but.

''Sorry to interrupt'' he said, his voice low and sharp. Him and Chuck kept such an intense eye contact that Blair had to take a step closer to Nate, just to stand between them (how ironic). She was afraid that Nate will lose it this time and then Chuck is dead. Chuck may be many things, but he was nowhere near Nate's strength.

She felt like she was in a movie where the love of her life came to profess his love for her and stop her from going for the bad guy. By this point she wasn't even sure who the bad guys was. Chuck who treated her like his property and only wanted her when he felt like it. Nate who continued to play games with her heart even after he made clear that they were done or herself, who initially broke the two best friends apart, contributed to breaking the NJBC and cheated for revenge.

Things were utterly messed up, this only made it worse.

''You're not –'' she stammered quietly ''-you're not interrupting anything'' she hated the fact that he made her feel so small and fragile next to him. She wanted to be the strong independed badass Blair Waldorf she usually was, but it was almost like Nate washed all of that away and made her question who she really was.

He couldn't bare the look in her eyes. He averted his gaze to something else, although he could still feel her browns piercing in to his skin. Of course this would eventually happen. He felt like the stupidest person standing there after he just barged in to that. God knows what would've happened if he came a few minutes later.

He felt sick to his stomach at the thought and just wanted out of there. This was a mistake. They once again made an idiot out of him and he was the one to blame, he was the one who let them do this. Not anymore. He could already see Blair had prepared explanations and blank points. He wanted to hear none it all.

And Chuck…just an hour ago he was following him like a puppy and begged forgiveness for something he has basically done again. His palms formed in to fists. He thought he was done with that, but he never had a bigger urge to smoke a joint than right about then . He swiftly turned around and exited the room without a word.

Blair couldn't let him leave like that, she knew it was pathetic and she didn't even know what to say but she had to stop him.

Chuck cursed something under his breath seeing her go after Nate. She never learns.

''Nate-'' she yelled after him. He didn't even stop his steps. He continued down the wooden staircase with Blair in tow. They passed Serena for a brief second, just enough for Blair to give her a 'you're dead to me' look. The blonde rolled her eyes and watched after them. Blair wanted to push her down those stairs. Like she didn't interfere enough already. If she knew that Nate walking in and seeing Chuck kiss her was Serena's fault, she probably would've pushed her. Anything to wipe that stupid grin off her face.

Nate took the back doors and went in to the patio, he wasn't aware he was being followed by Blair.

It was her sudden intro that made him realize. He turned around just to check if he was really going insane, and there she was, barely catching her breath.

''Please let me explain'' she said, not even sure what she would say next.

''Explain what Blair?'' he said loudly and finally returned the eye contact ''What do you want? Tell me why I should ever listen to a thing you say again?''

His harsh tone was supposed to drive her away but she knew better, Nate always tended to be harsh and present himself with an angry attitude whenever he was hurting. It was Nate's version of Blair's bitch mode.

_Because I miss you. Things are not the same without you anymore. I think about you, about us all the time. I know I lied and I cheated, but I was broken hearted. It still hurts, don't think it doesn't. Every day, every minute. I can't stand to look at you with her. She's not right for you. You should be with me. I love you Nate._

''I-I-'' _I can't tell you the real reason why_ ''-It's not what it seems like'' she knew it sounded pathetic, he knew it did. Yet she said it.

He laughed sarcastically and shook his head just because he didn't know whether to laugh at the whole situation or to cry about it ''-you know I thought that Blair Waldorf would have a better comeback than that''

''And why would I even care about you kissing Chuck?'' he said trying to make it as normal as possible, but the possessive inside him was boiling

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it. He was right, why would he even care about it. He didn't care about Chuck, he didn't care about her. She was the moron following him around, convinced she could make things right even though she wasn't really sure what right felt like anymore.

''I didn't kiss Chuck, he kissed me'' she said poorly, trying to fill in the silence and nervously started playing with the bottom hem of her-

Dear god. Just then did she realize how pathetic she was, she was standing there, in her night gown in the middle of the night, explaining herself to him when he asked for no explanation. That's how desperate she was to get things back to normal.

''You know what, great. Let's just leave it at that'' he was about to enter the house but he had to take one more thing of his mind first

He was leaving again. She couldn't continue following him around, she was desperate but never that desperate to actually follow a guy around like an attached puppy. She screwed it up.

''You and Chuck really deserve each other, I hope you have a great life Blair, I really do'' with that said he left.

Blair stood there dumbfounded. It was like having that talk again. He said the exact same words that day when he left her, once again because of Chuck.

She hated those words then, and she hated them now. Nate could pull off a lot of shit on her, make her believe stuff about herself she wasn't familiar with, but he was wrong about this one.

Maybe he was partially right. Maybe she didn't deserve someone better, someone like Nate, but she sure as hell deserved better than Chuck. It took her long enough to realize.

And once again, she was following him, but this time, not like an attached puppy. This time he was the gazelle and she was the lion, not ready to go down without a fight…or at least a good run.

''No-'' she said at the entrance and he stopped, he was surprised to say at least, he was convinced she would give up by now.

''-I deserve better than that. I deserve better than Chuck and I sure as hell deserve better than what you've been giving me lately. You're mad, betrayed. I get it. Do you think I wasn't? At least I had the decency to sleep with Chuck after we broke up, we were broken up-''

''-for what? 10 minutes?'' they returned to that never ending fight again, he wondered how long it will go on. Will it ever come to an end? With Blair…presumably not.

''-I was hurt, I found out that you slept with my so called best friend. I asked you if you loved me and you didn't''

''I never said that-''

''-exactly, you said nothing. All those years and everything I put up with, you weren't able to say I love you back-'' there was silence again. Now she was sure whatever they had was most definitely over. ''-and for all the crap you've been giving me Nate, you're half as bad…even worse''

He flinched at her words. She was right. it was Blair Waldorf for God's sake, she was always right. But that doesn't mean he was wrong. Truth be told they both screwed up numerous times, Nate's lost count of it. The only difference was, she was trying to make things better again, he wasn't. He was convinced that even if they did, it would never be the same again. They would go back to friends. And Nate just can't do that.

It was either do or die.

Try and make things better or erase her from his life completely.

''I can't do this anymore Nate. Either we try to forgive and forget…and move on, or we end this for good'' she was surprised she had the guts to actually say it. Enough was enough. Her life was a mess, she needed solid ground. This was the only way.

Like always, she was on the same wave length with him. He has done way too much thinking on that subject, he knew his answer

''Right. Then, we should probably just-''

''-Nate?'' lo and behold, there was Vanessa.

* * *

I know this story maybe doesn't have as much Nair interaction as my other stories, but it's still all about the two of them, I'm not promising any endgames or anything, you'll just have to read till the end ;) leave me a review xo L


	9. Well known room

Here I am with your weekly dose of Nair, I know I don't update as often as I used to, but notice that the chapters are much longer now, I figured it's better to write a long quality chapter than two crappy ones. I hope it's worth the wait and that you're still enjoying my stories:)

I know you want Nair interaction and everything, of course we're getting to it, but don't forget that this is a Vanessa story too.

Thanks for the feedback, love your comments, feel free to keep them coming.

I do not own the characters or songs used, only the ideas.

* * *

It took a while for Vanessa to actually decide and do something about her boyfriend's unusual behavior. At first she figured she should let him be, he was finally with his family and he was enjoying himself on a summer break. Then she saw him talking to Blair Waldorf and all the ideas of giving the boy some privacy were washed away.

She was never really the jealous overbearing type, but when it came to Blair Waldorf…she had to be on the watch.

Sure Nate has said many times he couldn't stand Blair; after all she's done to him who would. But there was still a spark in his eye every time she passed by and it drove Vanessa to that pit of despair over and over again. At first she tried to pretend she didn't notice it, she lied to herself that it was bitterness rather than longing. But it came pretty obvious with time and even she couldn't pretend anymore.

The only thing bothering her was why. Why, after everything this girl has wronged him was he still so pathetically not over her? Was it just Vanessa imagining it? Because it sure as hell didn't make any sense. Well she was about to find out once and for all.

She carefully made her entrance down the stone staircase, her walk slow and heavy. It seemed like eternity getting there. She was nervous and her hands were sweating. 'Calm down' she said to herself numerous times. Maybe she was acting out this way because deep inside she already knew the answer to her question…and she already felt heartbroken even though she hasn't even talked to Nate yet.

She was no saint, it was true, but she also didn't deserve this. Blair has always treated her like trash without a reason. Well partially without a reason, it increased when Vanessa started dating Nate the first time. The second time around she didn't even know, that was probably why Vanessa had an easy going relationship with Nate, now however, Blair was very much aware of her and Nate's status and things could only get worse from there.

She didn't intend on eavesdropping but it wasn't exactly the situation to just pop in to the conversation. By the looks of it, it was getting pretty intense, she didn't see quite clear, but she could swear Blair was crying. Nate wasn't the one to make you cry for no reason. Too bad she missed the whole fight or whatever this was. She accidentally hit a small rock with her foot and sent it down the stairs, making shatter noise.

''Shit'' she muttered and rubbed a hand over her forehead, she might as well come out now ''Nate-'' she said out of the blue, exposing herself. Nate quickly averted his eyes from Blair to her and gulped pretty hard. He frowned not sure what to say ''Vanessa-''

Blair stood her back to Vanessa now, she had yet to turn around. She got the urge to cry her heart out again. Her nerves were slowly and painfully breaking one by one. The course of their conversation was everything but calming and he was about to give out his answer, get them out of this dilemma. She has finally gathered the courage to step up to him. All of it lead to this moment…and it had to be ruined by one and only Brooklyn docu-girl.

Nate stared between the two girls, he was torn and wasn't quite sure what to do or say. How typical.

How long has Vanessa been there? Did she hear all of it? Was there anything she wasn't allowed to hear? He felt partially ashamed that his girlfriend found him hiding out with his ex, that disappointed look on her face said it all. Then again, there was Blair who still stood there expecting him to do something. Ironic. Due their entire past relationship he depended on her, he was expecting her to do the right thing for both of them, to get him out of trouble. Now for the first time, she was relying on him and he had no idea what to do.

He wanted to make everything better with everyone, especially his lost relationship with Blair and his endangered one with Vanessa, but he has never been more conflicted in his life.

At the same time he wanted them both, even though he shouldn't want the brunette, she wasn't his anymore, and he wasn't hers. It was tragic and depressing how a big part of your life can die…only if you let it.

Was he going to let his history behind and whatever there was left with the doe eyed girl? And what then? Move on with Brooklyn and pretend nothing has happened?

He has already tried that, it didn't work. It brought him here. It was a never ending cycle without a win win situation. He was helpless and needed guidance, but none of the girls he wanted help from were willing to help.

''What's going on?'' Vanessa decided to break the silence. Nate looked as helpless as a lamb lost in the woods. She would usually be delighted by that expression and laugh at it, now it just annoyed her, she needed him not to be so fucking confused for once in his life. She has had enough of feeling helpless next to him.

Blair turned around slowly towards Vanessa, her bitch mask on (not that she ever took it off for her).

''Nothing, I was just leaving'' she said coldly and attempted to storm off.

Nate hasn't been thinking straight this whole day so his next move wasn't very well thought of. He quickly grabbed her by her hand so she couldn't leave. Both girls frowned in shock, one of them more pleasantly surprised than the other.

''Don't go-'' he realized his very much alive girlfriend was still there, standing next to him and he was aware that he just fucked everything up, maybe not with Blair but with Vanessa.

''That's right, I'll leave'' she has had enough of it. Tears were already pouring down her smooth skin as she made her escape. She has never been more humiliated in her life; she wanted the hell out of this trap of lies and betrayal. Nate can have Blair all to himself now, she wouldn't be in the way anymore. Maybe Blair was stupid enough to take Nate back over and over again, but Vanessa wasn't.

''Damn it'' she cursed to herself while trying to get her stubborn curls away from her tearful face.

This was high school drama all over again. Blair was so optimistic about the whole college thing approaching only because she wanted to avoid that, she wanted to get away from the childish drama and step in to the grownups world. This was keeping her back. And once again it was because of a boy. Boys ruined her every chance in normality, especially this one blue eyed boy…

''Go after her'' Blair said sharply looking directly in his eyes. It was more of a command than a request. This was her pushing him away again. She needed him to do this, if he got his girl back at first she would be heartbroken, sure. But at least she would know it was really over and she wouldn't torture herself with all the _what-could-have-beens._

Nate's blue eyes widened at her words, his grip on her hand was still there, he didn't know why. Deep inside he felt that if he let her go, she would shatter in to million pieces. At the same time, Vanessa was leaving, his time was running out, he wanted to follow, but he also wanted to stay right where he was. He needed to know that she was fine with it all. Because to hell, if Nate Archibald ever did anything right, it was because Blair told him how to do it.

''I'm not done with you-'' he said steadily. Her eyes glossed from all the feelings she was holding in, his hand was still gripping hers, she didn't really want him to go, she wanted to keep him here, to cry out loud and finally come out with her feelings. The mess around her heart became even more cluttered, her throat tied in a knot, she wasn't able to speak because she knew that if she spoke, her voice would break, tremble….and he would know she was lying. ''-Promise me you'll wait''

It was a big thing he was asking from her._ Promise me _as in, don't let me down, you have to be here, you have to wait for me. She couldn't do that, this was it, she decided. When he lets go and runs after Vanessa, he's letting go of their relationship or whatever twisted thing this has turned in to. She couldn't play that game anymore, she was far too tired, exhausted.

She shook her head. ''You can't ask that from me Nate-'' his jaw hardened, her words were what he was afraid of, he knew he was out of line, still, he was willing to take it even further

''-why? I'm coming back-'' he claimed and finally let go of her hand ''-and you'll wait for me, I'll find you if you won't'' he said without a breath, convincingly, so sure of himself. Blair's still shaking her head no, but he doesn't take no as an answer. He turned around, his steps even heavier than before and went to look for Vanessa. Head full of information, heart full of emotion.

Blair brought the hand he was holding to her heart and tried to calm her breathing down. She quickly wiped away those few betraying tears as if she wanted to fool herself that this was nothing.

* * *

''Vanessa wait-'' he ran as fast as his legs carried him, he had no idea how he will explain this and make it right, he wouldn't be surprised if she packed her bags right away and left in no time. He couldn't let it happen, how would he explain…

''I have nothing to say to you'' she said in a flash and opened the door to their shared room

''But I have things to say to you-'' he stopped her by grabbing her hand and couldn't help but notice how it was so much different than holding Blair's hand just a few moments ago. He needed to stop that, he needed to get Blair out of his head, at least for now. ''-I know I was out of line, I'm sorry. And I know that I've been acting weird lately and I've been distant but coming to this place, it's been hard for me too, things have changed…and you know nobody hates changes as much as I do-'' Blair does

''This isn't about this place or you spending time with your family Nate. I love them and you know I try my best to accept your world…and all of your so called friends, but this-'' she was frustrated ''- she never felt like your friend…and you can't blame me for wanting to send her far away''

''But Blair is just a friend-'' his voice broke at friend and he cursed himself quietly for it. Still he didn't break eye contact in order to be truly convincing, at least to her if he couldn't be convincing to himself.

''-Please Nate, don't you think I see the way you look at her, your eyes literally sparkle when she walks by'' saying it out loud makes her tremble but it's the truth and at this point, there's no reason to lie.

''She is just a friend, if even that-'' he tries to convince her ''-I want to be with you''

She was quiet for a little while, than all of a sudden spoke out loud, her words lingered in the air between them

''Do you love me?'' she asked quietly but honest, all she wanted in return was that honesty.

Her words hit him hard and numb. He blinked away a few times. Did he love her? If you asked him this two weeks ago he would probably answer right away with absolute certainty, now however, he was conflicted.

If he was being completely honest, his answer would be 'I don't know', but he has lost way too many people in his life because he didn't know and he couldn't say he loved them (even though he did).

''I do'' he said quietly. She herself was quiet for a little while, presumably trying to figure out whether he was lying or telling the truth.

''Okay-'' she said uneasily ''- I love you too'' she finally let in to his embrace, he kissed her with all he could muster and it wasn't much. Kissing her felt different, he felt different. He should be happy, but all he could think about while kissing his amazing girlfriend was Blair. Blair and her doe eyes, her mocha hair, her mesmerizing walk and the way she held her head up high before everyone but him.

'' I know this isn't ideal, and you don't like her-'' Vanessa pulled away immediately and rolled her eyes, there he goes again, has he really got no brain at all, wasn't it clear that this was why they were having any trouble at all… ''-listen up'' he tried to get her to really listen. She huffed and finally looked up at him ''-but she is my friend, she always was, since we were in our diapers and I know that you don't want her around, but you can't ask from me to erase her from my life, she's already a part of it, I wish I could just forget about it, I would do anything to make you happy, anything…but I can't do this. I can't just start pretending she doesn't exist-'' he said with all his honesty ''-but I promise you Vanessa, these feelings are strictly friendly nature. I told you, I have no romantic feelings left for her, I promise'' and who are you lying to? You'll soon be convinced otherwise…

''Can you just please, please try to understand me'' he pleaded with his eyes. She cracked a fake smile and breathed in.

''I guess I could go through a brunch or two without stabbing her with a fork'' she said looking at the floor. He smiled and kissed her cheek

''Really?'' he teased

''The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes'' she said and rolled her eyes

''Sold, I promise I will make all of this lost time up to you, I just have to take care of something first, why don't you go upstairs and when I come back I'll show you around all of those beautiful beaches everyone talks about, just the two of us''

She finally cracked an honest smile ''Okay'' he gave her a quick peck and turned around, searching the first exit. As soon as Vanessa was out of the view he let his legs carry him to the room he knew all too well.

He had to find Blair there.

He just needed to see her again.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, leave a review if you will;) till next update xo L


	10. Bitter

Hello. Sorry I didn't update exactly on the schedule, it's been a busy week so far :D I hope you like where this story is going. I still very much enjoy writing Nair for you and writing Nair in general. Thanks for the feedback, keep the motivation coming! ;)

* * *

Vanessa came back to their room and for the first time in days she was genuinely happy. Nate's lips on hers still burned on, her heart was beating at a quick rate. She plopped down on the bed that felt soft for the first time since she came here. She was glowing, you could say the moment was perfect, the only thing missing was Nate.

She would usually pay way more attention to where he so mysteriously disappeared but she was too happy to care now. He said he would be up right away, her conscious and head were clear, she didn't want to invade his personal space. They both made some mistakes; it was time to right all those wrongs away.

* * *

Blair lay on her bed with her palms over her eyes. She used to do that all the time when she was younger and her parents were fighting. It felt like a shield that would protect her from reality and give her the ultimate peace and serenity she needed.

Nate's words still hung over her like a curse. It took a while to realize that she's not a little girl anymore and she couldn't hide away from her problems by putting her hands over her face.

She has never been so lost. Nate may have made her feel a lot of things; love, hate, happiness, confusion, mixed emotions. But never lost. That was the whole point of their relationship. He was there to be lost and let down, make her go out of her comfort zone in order to find inner pleasure. She was there to pull the rope down when he was flying too high. Now, the situation was reversed…sort of. It felt like they both were lost.

She just wanted to go back. She missed New York. The air over here was way to clean and the streets were silent. It was way to quiet to fall asleep at night, she wanted to believe that it was the only thing stealing away her sleep.

He almost knocked but stopped himself before doing so. Knowing Blair, she would probably rush to the door and block it or simply lock herself in the bathroom. It wouldn't be the first time she has done that.

He grabbed the knob tightly and pushed in, hoping she was there. He didn't need another disappointment today.

She was there, in all her glory, spread over her bed. She had her palms over her eyes, he remembers she used to do it all the time when she was younger. He never understood it then. He never understood anything about her actually; she was still a complete mystery to him. The way she acted, the way she talked….but he understood her heart, from the moment he first saw her. And that was the most important thing to him. Too bad it was never really enough for her.

''Trying to disappear?'' he said smiling

Blair hated that her first reaction to his voice was smiling. She quickly straightened her lips and gotten up in to a sitting position. She could no longer hide, she put her hands down.

''You're in my room right now, and I don't think anything good can come out from that, so maybe I should start trying to'' she said and added a grin

''Ouch'' he said playfully and grabbed at his heart. He was glad this was being transferred as a play, because his heart already ached too much after her and if this was serious, he was afraid she would realize it.

''Nate, what are you doing?'' the question was not complexed but very complicated. She herself, just like him, had no idea what exactly she meant by asking him that. She just needed an answer.

''I don't know-'' he didn't. He never did. ''-I just needed to see you'' he said with such honesty that burned her

She felt her eyes water up and immediately scolded herself quietly. What was it with him and her need to cry every time she saw him?

''You already saw me'' she said, point blank and reverted her eyes to the snow white curtains rather than his eyes. They were the ultimate death of her.

''I needed to talk to you-'' she was about to cut him off but he was quicker ''-again, because we weren't finished talking. I didn't give you my answer''

''What tells you I'm still waiting for it? I'm tired of always waiting for you Nate. I'm not a stop along the way, I'm a destination'' she said, guarding herself down. She always was big with words, maybe even a little melodramatic.

He hated how overprotective and closed she was to him now, he was used to seeing her this introvert and harsh to everyone, even someone close like Serena, but never to him. He wanted to have the ability to open her up back again. He was trying his hardest but she kept pushing him away.

''I know that now-'' of course he does, she drew it out for him, laid it on a silver platter and put it in front of his confused sorry ass. You're a moron Nate, you don't deserve her, not even as a friend. You will never be good enough for her. At least he was aware of it now. He was no longer in denial that they were two of the same and that she was the one who didn't deserve him…not that he ever thought that. ''-trust me I do, and I'm sorry it took so long to finally realize. But I want to make things right. I want to put it all behind and go back to where we were. I know we can function as friends-'' they were never really friends ''- we can get that back. Aren't you tired of fighting me off? I gave up on this once already, I'm not doing it again''

''What exactly would you be giving up Nate? You don't need me in your life'' she said sadly, he didn't know why, but he couldn't stand to see her like that, he needed to put a smile on that gorgeous face, it was driving him mad, not being able to make her happy like he used to.

''I just miss you, okay? I miss talking to you, hearing your voice every day. Remember when I said that a day without talking to you is a wasted one? Well now I know for sure it is. I miss our arguments and you making fun of all my plaid clothing. I even miss Breakfast at Tiffany's, there, I said it''

She had to crack a smile at that, the situation was either laugh or cry, and she had enough of the latter. She swore to herself numerous times she would resist that smile, those pleading blue eyes. That she won't fall for his sweet talk again. But she could never really resist, she'd be fooling herself if she ever thought different. She was almost ashamed she even thought she'd be able to. The guy was all wanting blue eyes and dimples.

He put himself on the line there. This was the most honest he has ever been with her and it actually felt good. It felt liberating not having to lie or hide his feelings for once. She smiled and it lifted a huge amount of weight from his chest.

''Then you really must be desperate'' she teased and was surprised herself how easy was it to just fall back in to conversation with him. Looks like he was right after all. They were always so occupied with heartaches, breakups and drama they never really had the chance to be just friends. She has never seen him as one and that was probably the main reason it never worked out properly for them. Maybe that was what she needed right then. A true friend. She already lost Serena. She didn't want to befriend him again just because she had no one though, just hearing him say all of that stuff…it brought back nice memories. She felt truly happy for once.

His lips formed in to that beautiful smile she knew all too well and that did it. ''I kind of am''

She rolled her eyes characteristically. ''Fine. I guess we could be friends again…or for the first time ever-'' it was true, she wondered if it will ever work, at least now they'll know for sure. ''-but only because I'm already missing a blonde friend, I need a replacement'' she said with a cool attitude and tried to pretend it didn't mean much, even though it meant everything.

He wasn't that surprised to hear that things with Serena fell out once again, he never really liked Blair with her too. Serena always made her feel less worthy, when in fact, Blair was so much better in every way. If only that thought accrued in his head when he cheated. Moron.

He also knew better than to ask her about it. Sometimes, even though they were '_best friends' _Nate thought that Blair hated Serena, and he was probably right. Apparently he was right about a lot of things lately. That was new.

''I'm not blonde'' he defended himself

''You were blonde as a child'' she reasoned with a grin, he hated when she called him blonde.

''I'm not a child anymore'' he said, she could be wrong, but there was a hint of sadness, nostalgia in his voice. Everything was much simpler then. Her biggest problem was choosing between two dresses, and the biggest heartbreak she experienced was when her new doll got lost.

''Yeah, none of us are. Nate, we never had a childhood, did we?'' she asked sadly, if anything he could relate to her completely. He understood. So did Serena and Chuck. No matter how much they all hated each other now, they still had things to relate over. The NJBC may be falling apart, but it was only a matter of time for them to bond again… much to Blair's displease, it was pretty much inevitable.

''Maybe we did, but they never let us remember it'' the tone of their conversation was already sad as it is. He couldn't help it, being here with Blair brought back memories, and even though he didn't want to admit, he remembered his childhood clearly. He just didn't want to talk about it because he knew she never really had one.

It was funny, she was his childhood. Maybe that's why he was still so caught on to her.

''Stop it already. We just need to stop this lame childhood pity party and start living in the moment. You have my friendship. And now, because we're such good friends again-'' she shoved him playfully towards the door ''-I can kick you the hell out of my room, go and get dreadlocks with Vanessa or whatever'' she was joking, but he could swear he heard a hint of bitterness in her voice. The worst part, he was glad he did.

''Right Vanessa-'' exactly, Vanessa. His living, breathing girlfriend that was waiting for him just a floor down. He wondered what she'll have to say about the big renewal of his and Blair's friendship. As he exited Blair's bedroom his smile was still in place. However, he could feel it being wiped away in no time.

* * *

There's some Nate/Blair/Vanessa action to go down in the next chapter, I hope you enjoyed this one too. I aimed to please so I made it most Nair and you kind of got flashbacks to their relationship. Don't forget to leave a trail ;) till next time, xo L


	11. Jealousy, killing people since forever

Hey you guys! I know I should have updated like a long time ago, but I had a hand injury and it hurt like hell for like a week so I wasn't really able to write properly. See, those kind of things only happen to me xD who else would pull a muscle when reaching for their 7up?

Thank you for your lovely reviews, I absolutely love reading them and love to hear your opinion. If you have any ideas for this or maybe the next story, I take requests:) feel free to let me know. Feedback is always encouraging.

I do not own any characters or songs, only the ideas belong to me.

* * *

Vanessa looked over to the rich wooden clock for the umpteenth time, 45 minutes passed since Nate went around to do his ''5 minute errand''. He was probably late because his mother met him halfway and asked from him to do something, was what she said to herself. Yeah, anything to help her breathe at the moment.

He wouldn't go and see her, he just wouldn't – he was so determined to have their relationship back, why would he ruin it with the brunette. He should know better than that.

She ran her hand trough her locks one more time, a nervous habit she has gotten in to lately, before the doors fled open and the person she awaited all this time finally arrived.

He rushed in, maybe a little too pushy and probably scared her. He was just not himself right then. He wasn't able to breathe properly and he wasn't quite sure how he would pull the boyfriend act right then. Yes Vanessa was beautiful and yes, she was all his…but does it really matter when all of his being is not actually in the room to witness her unusual beauty. He should be beaming with happiness that she was generally unpretentious like that to take him back after the hell he's put her trough, he just can't at the moment. And those moments are starting to happen a little too often lately.

There was a question pondering in his head for some time now. He was sincerely scared of the answer to it, so he found it better to just avoid it. He wondered how much longer he could live in unknowing. It was slowly and liberally eating out his soul, that's for sure. For some reason, he felt like a cheater, not as in adultery, but simply a cheater. He knew he had to come clean to Vanessa about Blair and their renewed friendship, but he has promised her an amazing night, and bringing up Blair would surely ruin any chance at that.

So he kept quiet. He put on the perfect boyfriend act, stretched out the biggest smile he could manage and tried to make her laugh every chance he could.

It was the least he could do to make her feel like everything was normal and nothing has changed. The worst part was, even though he was trying to make her happy, he still did it for his own selfish reasons, so he wouldn't feel like such an asshole inside.

* * *

Blair walked down to the main dining room at exactly 8:10 pm; she liked to be late and make an entrance, but still be exact on the minute. So what if her hair was extra shiny tonight or her dress was a little tighter, it wasn't like she was trying to impress anyone. She only spent about an hour and a half getting ready just for the dinner.

He wasn't there.

When she asked one of the maids where Mister Archibald was, she simply smiled and said him and Miss Abrams were spending a night together on the beach.

It must have been their beach….or as it seemed from now, Nate and Vanessa's beach.

The food on her plate no longer looked delicious as it did a minute ago.

* * *

The night was going on surprisingly well. He had turned his brain off for a few hours and it felt kind of good. Blair was far from his mind and he was starting to remember why he fell in love with Vanessa in the first place.

She was for one so nice and humble. He forgot how good it was to be with a 'normal' non UES girl like her. She wasn't annoyed by the seagulls and the sound of the sea, was relaxed when wind blew through her hair instead of being mad that her hair do was ruined and had no problems sitting on bare sand because she wasn't dressed from head to toe in Chanel.

Laughing with her was easy. Everything with her was easy.

That was the problem.

At times, it felt like it was too simple. His mother always told him that you have to suffer for something good; everything that's too easy is not worth it.

And once again, his head was spinning everywhere.

Blair told herself it was the full moon keeping her from falling asleep. Actually, it was the fact that Nate and Vanessa weren't back. It was fine like that, what she was worried for was them coming back. With her room just above theirs, she could hear a lot of stuff and if she wasn't sick to her stomach yet, she would get sick soon.

* * *

''Vanessa, I just love those earrings'' was the first thing that greeted her while she tried her best not to stumble over the steps. And those words came no other than from Serena van der Slut.

She had to try her best not to grab one of those crystal juice containers and throw it in her direction. She made sure to walk extra slowly when she was near, just to examine the situation. The sitting arrangement was as usual, only now, Serena was seated right next to Vanessa and Nate, leaving the seat oppose Nate empty for her ladylike grace to sit in.

She put on a big smile, not letting anyone get to her. After all, faking emotions was her territory.

''Morning everybody'' she said with a bubbly tone surprising everyone. She was surprised to see that the grownups were not present (Serena, Vanessa, Nate and the whole gang, including her, could hardly be considered grown up)

There were more seats open but she chose the one facing Nate, anything to get that Brooklynite sweat, or at least make Serena cringe.

In fact the blonde did, she gave her a cold look which Blair politely ignored. She was feeling very playful today.

She had done a lot of thinking last night. She decided it was time for good to stop this pity and continue with her life. She wasn't able to sort her feelings out though. She sure had a flamboyant past with the boys in her life. She tried to make herself chose, or at least figure out where she was standing. The answer? On air.

She managed to sort most of it out. There were mostly two guys she had to really think about. For one, she was sure her feelings for Chuck vanished away. And the second one, Nate. Well, that she couldn't figure out. He wasn't helping, neither was her constant thinking of him.

That could be a sign. Then again, she has thought she was in love a lot of times trough her 19 year old life. Maybe it was time to stop worrying about love and start enjoying life again. that was exactly what she was going to do.

''Morning'' Nate said sweetly and smiled over to her. He just couldn't help it. She still brought a smile to his face every time he saw her, it was ridiculous to even try and hide it. She looked so beautiful in her yellow sundress, she literally brought a ray of sunshine in to the room. Both Serena and Vanessa looked over at him almost at the same time so he had to stop staring at Blair. He quickly reverted his look over to the table and stayed there.

She saw it. Again. If they were alone now, Vanessa would probably hit Nate with the closest thing out of frustration. The theme of last night was 'I so got over Blair Waldorf' yet that stupid smile was spread all over his face every time he saw her.

She was aware they weren't alone though and refused to let Blair see her flinch. She put on a big smile and even better, put her hand over Nate's one on the table for Blair to see.

Blair indeed saw the little gesture but pretended she didn't. Things got quiet, they were all sitting calmly, their eyes on their plate. Everything was going fine, but Vanessa seemed to be very affectionate at the breakfast. When the couple kissed at last, Blair couldn't resist downing one more mimosa.

Vanessa was acting weird the whole morning, starting off with befriending Serena at first, suddenly becoming best friends with her and now kissing him all of a sudden. It was an awkward kiss for him because all he could think of was Blair on the other side of the table. He smiled to Vanessa afterwards though, the last thing he wanted to do was to get suspicious. He was on thin ice with her and he had no craving in making it worse.

He still cared about her, he really did.

''Oh, so glad you're all here'' Aaron, one of Nate's cousins broke the silence. His smile grew extremely bigger when he saw Blair

''Blair-'' he grinned widely, completely forgetting what he came for ''-why has no one told me you were here. And there I thought it wasn't possible for you to get any more beautiful''

Blair smiled widely and got up to hug Aaron, he was always so playful with her, giving her compliments. He had a crush on her since forever but he couldn't really make a move because of Nate. Now however…

Speaking of Nate, his expression turned from mellow to complete jealousy. His lips formed a straight line as he pretended not to care.

He loved all of his family, but Aaron…. He was just asking for it. He knew damn well that Aaron had a thing for every girl Nate has ever had, especially Blair. It was always a rivalry with them. They would both smile politely, shake hands, even joked around, but this was no joking around. All these years, Blair was closed for Aaron, now however, for the first time she was free as a birdie and very open minded.

Aaron was a huge playboy, he was even worse than Chuck. He just didn't want him anywhere near. Blair has gone through a lot and she chose to be blind over many things, he didn't want her getting used by Aaron, he couldn't let it happen. But who was he to interfere?

''Look at you, you're not half as bad yourself'' Blair said beaming with happiness, she was always glad to see their friends, she basically grew up with all of them and felt like their family, some of them more than the others. Speaking of the others, Aaron has really grown up to be quite handsome, she has never given him much attention because of Nate, but now, she saw stuff more clearly…and she liked what she saw.

''Hi Aaron-'' Nate said trying to sound nice, he even threw in a half smile ''- umm, this is Vanessa, my girlfriend-'' Vanessa smiled and shook his hand. Nate was surprised he didn't try to flirt with her too ''-and you know Serena…and Blair, obviously''

Blair looked over to Nate after forgetting for a minute that he was even there. The jealousy in his voice got trough her, or was she just imagining it? No, she was never wrong when it came to bitterness and jealousy. And Nate was raging with it. She wondered why….or did she?

Well, now he was having a little taste of what he was serving five minutes ago, when his tongue was down Vanessa's throat.

''What are you doing here?'' Nate asked, no bitterness left out

''I'm actually here to invite you to a party, grandfather and his whole gang including our parents are going away for the weekend, it would be a shame if we had an empty house and not use it. You guys are coming, right?''

Nate really didn't want to go, he didn't need Vanessa meeting any more of his pretentious relatives and friends like this douche. His opinion changed quickly though-

''Well count me in-'' Blair said with a grin ''-if I remember, you knew how to throw a great bash, I'm interested to see if it's still true''

''Oh-'' he came closer to Blair and put his hand around her waist. Nate grabbed his glass tighter ''-It'll blow your mind''

''We're coming too'' Nate said straight forward. He didn't even ask Vanessa if she wanted to go. He just lost it. He had no idea why, but seeing Aaron and Blair get so close…it drove him mad. He couldn't let her go to that party alone, not knowing what happened there would make him insane.

''I'm sorry-'' he lowered his voice and looked over to Vanessa ''-do you want to go, it'll be fun''

Blair hated how protective Nate was to Vanessa. He was being the perfect sincere boyfriend and she couldn't stand it. Why couldn't he be that to her when she needed him. Oh, she was definitely going to that party…with Aaron.

Vanessa looked at Nate a bit uncomfortably, she didn't really want to go to some pretentious snobbish party, but she promised herself she would be more open minded. She simply smiled and squeezed his hand lightly

''Sure'' if anything, this will be her chance to finally make Nate get Blair out of his head. Even if she needed to make drastic measures. That Aaron guy seemed like a perfect distraction for a certain brunette.

''Serena?'' Aaron asked the blonde. Blair rolled her eyes, there was going to be booze and easy guys, did he even have to ask?

''I'm already planning out my outfit'' Serena said with a sultry tone. This was her perfect chance to get Nate. A little alcohol in his system, maybe a joint and he was hers. It worked times before.

With everyone's eyes on their own prize, such big plans and expectations, it's going to be an interesting weekend…

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, till next time. Don't forget to leave a review, believe it or not, it makes things faster ;)

P.S. I hope I won't pull a muscle again xD xoL


	12. Smitten by the glamour of your world

Hello everyone. Thank you for your patience and I'm sorry it takes longer to update nowadays, but as I get older there's more things to do around and more responsibilities, you know? What you don't have to worry about is me giving up writing Nair, cause that's not going to happen any time soon.

It's been such a horrid week. First of all I cannot describe how shocked and saddened I am by the tragic death of Cory Monteith and as if that wasn't enough, Talia Castellano passed away too :'(  
I just…can't. My prayers go to their families, it's the least I can do. I hope they rest in peace.

On the happier note, Happy birthday Chace Crawford:* we don't get to see his face so much anymore cause GG is done, but we all know he's still the gorgeous blue eyed s.o.b he is :')

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

Blair smoothed out her dress trying to get rid of the invisible wrinkles on it and checked herself one more time before heading out. 'Not bad' would be the usual comment she'd give to herself, tonight however, she looked above her average.

No wonder she did, she put some extra effort in to her looks. She had to, it was an important night out. She was excited to finally have her old life back, well the most of it.

She was still uncertain about some stuff…a lot of stuff actually, but that was a problem for some other night. She was young, beautiful and rich. The world was hers. Or so she liked to think. Sure everything she ever wanted and what she could get was hers, but there was one thing missing. One person to be exact. And she wasn't even aware that _he was_ her entire world.

She shook those musings away and combed her hair with her fingers not to mess it up too much. Her skin tight dress, Chanel of course, looked amazing on her, even she couldn't deny it. And those sky high heels gave her the edge she needed.

She never had a problem with getting men, it shouldn't be a big deal now, especially when she already held the attention of two (she'd like to think so) guys before she even went out.

The hallway was filled with nothing but the sound of her louboutins. Oh, she was definitely back.

The enormous rooms and hallways of the van der Bilt mansion were empty but you could hear commotion on the outside. There were cars waiting for them, the best of the best, only for the crème de la crème….and Vanessa.

She was done with being nice, done with pretending to be nice to be exact. Blair Waldorf was cruel, straight forward and brutally honest. If anyone would ever want her to change, well they didn't deserve her…not like anyone does. Then again, there are people she didn't deserve, yet they were there for her.

* * *

Vanessa huffed heavily as Nate pressed the up button on the car's window one more time. For some reason he was acting out nervous or something, he was playing with the button for some good time now, up and down, up and down…she wondered what bothered him, but she didn't want to ask knowing fair well he would make something up.

She wanted to be down with everything and be okay with it, but it was getting harder and harder, especially with Blair and everyone else around. She didn't belong to this world, she could never adjust. Nate knew it, why was he so determined to make her like it even though he knew she would just fake a smile and hide her real opinion. Was that were they were now? A fake smile is enough? If he was the real boyfriend she had just a month ago, she would never pass by with a fake smile. He would insist to get the truth out of her or at least try to make her laugh. Now he just didn't care. The car window was more important than her.

Maybe she was just overreacting? Then again, maybe she wasn't reacting enough at all.

''Is everything okay?-'' she decided to finally break the mortifying silence, it was killing her ''-you seem kind of distracted''

He finally looked up and left the button only to give her a half smile and shake his head ''I'm just…tired'' he said lamely, he knew how stupid and not at all convincing it sounded, he just didn't care at the moment. What he did care was Blair and that sleaze ball named Aaron taking her out. He knew what Aaron's intentions were for tonight, what he feared the most – Blair was in such a place right now that she could easily be led on to anything.

And it killed him, slowly and torturous.

* * *

Serena took in a deep breath before exiting her limo. She rarely did that, but today she was feeling a little over the top. She knew she looked amazing, then why did she feel so crappy on the inside? This was so not her to deeply over think stuff and question her emotions or her existence. That was Blair for you, Serena always paid more attention to her other look.

If she looked hot on the outside, the inside would be forgotten.

She readjusted her revealing dress and opened her Kate Spade golden clutch to dive in for her compact mirror. She decided she was in a need for more lip gloss and blush. Maybe she was okay with her body, but she was never completely satisfied with her face.

She could hear the voices and the rave from the party that was in its heat. Well, it will get even hotter when she comes around.

She had a big mission ahead of her. Getting Nate was never really that hard, but that was back when he was stoned half of the time and didn't really care about anything. Now, he was trying to act all kind of grown up and responsible. It was not a good look on him, she decided. She liked him more with ruffled beach hair and a joint in his hand. That Nate was always ready to party…and he always had his eyes glued to her, or so she made herself believe.

''Miss van der Woodsen, I repeat, we're here'' the driver said once more and she put her makeup back in her bag, shoving it inside.

''I heard you, thanks'' she winked and exited. It was not really on purpose, she was just so trained to be a flirt that she completely forgot how to live without it. That was why she always winked at everyone, sent them longing looks and flipped her hair viciously as she walked.

She was a minx and she loved it. Getting stuff for free just off of her charm was a way of life.

She saw Blair first and instinctively rushed her step to go hug her, then she remembered she was her nemesis of the month and quickly dropped the gesture. Instead she just let her hand run through her hair and extended her walk, passing briskly by her and Aaron.

The fact that that womanizer of a guy was already putting moves on Blair eased Serena's heart, one thing less to worry about. With the state that Blair was currently in to, she wouldn't be surprised if she put out in about half an hour.

She felt a sting of guilt for a second, no matter how ruff things get, you just can't forget your former best friend. She and Blair may have a weird relationship that was often led with hate, but deep inside both of them knew they couldn't function without each other. And if it were any other guy, Serena would have given up. But this was Nate, the only male besides Humphrey that Serena had feelings for.

''Have I told you you look amazingly beautiful tonight?'' Blair finally wavered at the question and returned her attention back to Aaron. It was Serena who caught her attention and managed to distract her. She just had a bad feeling for the night, as if something tragic was going to happen. She decided it was best if she finally shook the bad thoughts away and pay attention to the conversation with the surprisingly good looking guy she was with. Surprisingly for her because all of the years till now she never paid attention to his physical look, he was Nate's cousin, a friend. But now, having a second look at him… he was quite easy on the eyes…and quite smart with his words.

''You have, like three times-'' she said and laughed. She was feeling very playful and daring, especially when she spotted a certain blue eyed Archibald heir and his docu-girlfriend approaching

''- you're not half as bad yourself-'' she said and consciously grazed her hand across his chest

Nate couldn't contain himself as he saw her ''gesture'' it wasn't until Vanessa hit his arm and said 'ouch' till he noticed he almost squeezed her hand in hers

''Oh, I'm so sorry-'' he apologized quickly before she would notice the cause of his sudden behavior ''-I spaced out''

Vanessa looked over at him weirdly and shook her head lightly ''-um, okay?''

He had to make things right pronto ''-hey-'' he stopped and lifted her chin up to look at him ''-you look beautiful'' he said and smiled. She smiled back and leaned in to a kiss. Now, Nate wasn't trying to throw a show like Blair intended to, but if he was kissing Vanessa (or Vanessa was kissing him?) he hoped that Blair was watching, anything to make her feel the quarter of jealousy he was feeling.

So it has come to a point of using Vanessa to make someone jealous. This was definitely not him, well, not the person he wanted to be and was trying to become for the last couple of months. He liked how he was with her, he never got in to any trouble, she was a nice decent girl who didn't understand scheming and she made him a better person.

Blair brought out the worst, wicked, jealous and possessive part of him, and somehow, he always had a need to lean in to that part.

* * *

Vanessa had quite a hard time adjusting to this, the parties she was used to were usually held on a building roof with canned beer and a cd player with drinks spilled everywhere and people who didn't care. This party, however, was held on a huge property with a pool, overlooking the Hamptons, there was a private dj and they served Carlsberg's Jacobsen vintage beer that costs approximately 300$ a six pack.

She felt like an intruder. All of those outfits that the girls there wore probably cost more than her monthly rent. And there she was, in her 20$ Forever 21 dress and last season pumps. Sure, she never really cared about that stuff and designer clothes, but being at a place like this…it got her thinking, she was feeling very self-conscious.

Nate took her inside and introduced her to many people, none of their names were remembered. She was smitten by the glamour and diamonds. For a second she made herself believe she liked it. Then she remembered Brooklyn and how she would give anything right now to go back there, sleep over at the Humphrey's loft and order in pizza form their favorite pizza place down the block.

She missed it so much, she missed Dan too, that was not a good variable though. She always missed him, even when she was around him lately. He has changed, this world of glimmering shiny stuff and food made from money blinded him and even though he neglected it to his grave, he was changing and starting to like it. Who first to notice but Vanessa?

Her eyes fell back on Blair as she sipped her cocktail slowly. How could she not look at her, everyone was. She didn't know what it was about the brunette but even Vanessa felt like a peasant next to her. She was always just so mysterious and beautiful. Sure, she hated her from her core. Blair Waldorf was the most of what Vanessa hated on the UES, still she was under her influence.

It was the way she graciously walked, like she was born on a catwalk, the way that she managed to dress to impress without looking like a streetwalker, the way she was actually smarter than most of them but used it wisely to her use. Yes, Blair was smarter than all of them, but none of them ever noticed because they were swiped away by her natural charm and that million dollar Waldorf smile.

There was always something fake behind that smile though. Vanessa knew how to read people and Blair was in disguise. Cold on the outside, but on the inside she was melting. She knew that Blair hated of what Nate did to her because she truly loved him, and he broke her heart for real, not because she was publicly humiliated- as other people like to think.

She wouldn't be that bad if she only let other people get closer to her and not wear that judgmental look on her porcelain face.

Nevertheless, she was her nemesis, no matter how damaged and not at all bitch Blair really was…she still couldn't stand her. She couldn't let herself not to. This was about Nate…Nate who was missing now for about 20 minutes with the excuse of greeting some old friends. He better be.

She decided it was enough and she would play for real this time. If Blair Waldorf was who she needed to take out of his head, she would do it.

Anything to have him look at her like he used to again.

Blair downed one more of those little pink drinks -_whatever they were, they were Barbie colored, sparkling and alcoholic, she loved them_ – and almost bumped in to a guy passing by, she let out a giggle not able to compose herself. She wasn't fairly drunk, but she wasn't sober either. She almost dropper her drink when she felt a warm body approaching her from behind.

''Nate-'' she said and raised an eyebrow as she turned around to look at him, he looked…angry? ''-what's up with you?''

What's up? Oooh she was surely drunk, if she wasn't she would never utter those words, not if you pointed a gun at her. To be fair, he wasn't completely sober either, but he wasn't drunk. Unlike her, he could stand still without bumping into anyone.

''The question is, what's up with you?'' he said angrily and looked elsewhere but her, he was mad and tried to hide it, it wasn't really working. Just a minute ago she was dancing all slutty with two guys she just met, right after making out with Aaron. He wanted to rip his eyes out. It took 110% of self control not to go over there and strangle every single one of those guys.

Was he talking down to her? Oh well, that really took some guts to do, now she was in the mood to be mad too…and that was up to no good.

''Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are to me Nate? You're not my boyfriend, leave me alone'' she said defensively and turned around to go but he grabbed her by her arm and made her turn around, he led them outside so they would not get interrupted.

''Let go of me'' he did, right away

''I am your friend, and you're acting out''

''Acting out? What exactly am I doing?'' she lashed out on him, he struck back

''You're acting like a slut''

It took nothing more than half a second for her palm to forcefully meet the side of his face.

''Who taught you that? Me? Or was it maybe Serena? Lady Catherine? Any other cougar? Jenny Humphrey? Juliette? Bree? Vanessa?-'' she yelled just to prove her point ''-you know what Nate, I always knew you were a whore, never took you for a hypocrite too''

He didn't know which burned more; the trace of her palm or her words hitting him like a tsunami.

''This isn't about me. I see what you're doing Blair…this is not you-''

''-and who am I? You don't know…and why?-'' she turned from furious to sad in an instant, her voice dropped, her tone disappointed ''-we're not friends Nate. Who are we kidding? We were never really friends-'' a tear escaped the corner of her eye, his eyes were burning hers ''-I hate you'' she said it in a way that she would profess her love to someone. And maybe she was doing it, on their own twisted level.

''I hate you-'' he tried to do it, but his body failed him, his voice broke mid sentence ''-no, you know what? I don't. I don't fucking hate you. I just can't. And why is that? After everything you've done to me… I should despise you from my core-'' he couldn't control his words, they came pouring out uncontrollably.

Blair bit down her bottom lip, anything to keep her from crying. She couldn't stand to hear those words from him, it was the emotional death of her. He was standing so close to her, she could feel his breathing, hear his heartbeats. She wanted to touch him so badly. And so, one more of many times in her life she did what she wanted out of her own selfish reasons, not thinking of the consequences.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his.

* * *

_To be continued_

* * *

There you finally have it. Also sorry for many possible grammatical errors in this chapter, I wanted to put it up ASAP so I haven't done a double spell check. Sorry. Please leave a review, till next, hopefully soon updated chapter xo L


	13. through the good and the bad

Hey guys. Can you believe it? I updated on time :D that doesn't happen often. I finally have some free time on my hands so of course I'll gladly take up on my writing.

Thank you for all the lovely reviews, especially _SlytherinGurrl, _honestly, I had no idea that you should write dollars before the number, thank you for teaching me that, we don't have such a thing where I live so I had no idea. I always look forward to constructive critics :D but for the van der Bilt, it actually is supposed to be ''van der Bilt'' like with ''van der Woodsen'' or any other van der xD at first I thought that it was all one word and in my other stories you can see that I always write it as 'Vanderbilt' but turns out it was wrong so I changed it in this story because it's always mentioned. I wanted it to be right:)

I'm so glad you all like the previous chapter, I mean, it was Nair lip smacking action, who wouldn't like that;)

I don't own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

It took a while for both of them to get out of daze and realize what they were doing. Sure, Blair initiated the kiss, but he kissed her back…several times.

She couldn't describe how she was feeling, to put it in a nutshell, she felt like she was desperately clinging to a rope made of _what –could- have- beens, _old love and memories. She just wanted to have it all back, and for a moment she did, but that moment had to end.

Their lips pulled apart, they were still standing close, none of them dared to move away. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers.

He was so confused, conflicted. Why did something so wrong on every level... feel so right? His brain was spinning from all the confusion and there was only one person who could ease his mind, Blair. He wanted to look in to her eyes. He could always tell what was going on in her complexed mind just with one eye glance.

Hers were still closed

''Blair-'' he spoke quietly and breathlessly ''-wha-'' his voice stammered, she finally looked at him ''-what was-''

''-I don't know Nate-'' she said suddenly and abruptly pulled apart ''-I just-'' she wanted to tell him everything, of how she felt all this time, how she possibly still loved him, how she was positively still in love with him, how she needs him more than ever. But she couldn't muster the words out, her mouth was dry and all she wanted to do at the moment was run, away from him, away from herself.

Her emotions went from bliss to chaos and ultimate sadness in no time. That was the effect he always had on her.

''-I have to go-'' she said and bit her lip hard in order not to cry. She knew they couldn't, but hoped they could just leave it at that.

Just as she thought, he protested.

''No, Blair, we have to talk about this-'' she was leaping away, he couldn't let her go, not like this, not after the kiss they just shared (or should he say kisses?)

''No-'' she said coldly and stopped ''-we don't, this-'' she started shaking her head no and gesturing with her hands like a maniac out of pure frustration ''-this was nothing Nate, it shouldn't have happened. It was a moment of weakness''

Was she serious? This girl was going to be the ultimate death of him.

''Just forget about it, okay?'' she said, now more calm. She had the situation in her hands, she was Blair Waldorf for god's sake, she could do this. He still wasn't convinced. Just then she realized what a mess she caused, she never used to care about anyone's feelings, except for Nate's as it turned out.

If she was her old cold self, she would kiss him some more, she would drag him in to one of the bedrooms upstairs and make up for that gap year. They would start dating again and she knew…his heart would be broken within months. Because that was Blair Waldorf for you, she didn't know how to appreciate the most cherishable things in life.

But she wasn't her old self anymore, that's why she needed to cut him loose and do it for good this time. She wanted him more than ever, but what if she did tell him how she felt, make him dump Vanessa and have her five minutes of heaven? What next? What if he realizes that he let go of a pure hearted girl with standards for Blair who had none of that. It would break her heart and eventually break his one too. She couldn't let that happen again.

And as much as she hated to admit, Vanessa was a better person. She was nice, unsullied, with a clear conscious and treated Nate right.

She could easily call Vanessa a bitch, but she knew that the only bitch in this story was herself.

''Forget about it and go and be with Vanessa-'' his stare was intense even though something inside of him was dying. Here she was ladies and gentlemen, Blair Waldorf, kicking him in the gut for the umpteenth time, stabbing him in the back and letting him bleed out. ''-she really needs you an loves you, I-''

''-don't'' he said coldly, finishing her sentence. She froze in place, her heart was breaking. ''-you don't.''

Yes, she needed to cut him loose, but she couldn't leave things like that, not like he was all to be blamed of and that he was being used by her again. This was none of his fault, then why was he suffering?

''Nate I didn't mean-''

''-You know what Blair?-'' he said coldly and passed her by ''-forget about it'' were his last words as he left her there, on the edge of a breakdown.

* * *

''You wanna get out of here?'' Vanessa was surprised by the sudden voice behind her, it was her long lost boyfriend. So he dragged her to this party, went on to 'do something ' and left her alone with his delightful champagne tossing- money throwing-bickering friends, only to come back an hour later and ask her to get out of there. If it were anyone else, she'd be surprised by that level of ignorance and maybe cockiness, but this was Nate, he was probably so confused he wasn't even aware he was being intolerant and everything else. He was starting to act a little less like a considerate boyfriend day by day, and it was starting to bother her.

''Already? I thought you couldn't wait to get here'' she said and didn't move from her place at the bar. She could be ignorant too, if that's how he wanted to play.

He was surprised by the sudden coldness coming from Vanessa, he shouldn't be surprised, the way he's been treating her lately, it wouldn't come as a shock if she broke up with him.

He was just so confusing to himself all the time. It was hard for him to deal with normal stuff in life, let along these love triangles or pentagons or whatever.

His feelings weren't clear and that he hated the most. He didn't want to torture Vanessa trough all of it, but he was afraid to let her go, not completely because he was afraid of losing her, but because he wasn't ready to face to consequences of that breakup. It would probably save them both a lot of time and struggle, but it would also bring on a lot of drama. And he just couldn't do any more drama.

He loved her a month ago, he really did.

One month could do a hell lot of change. One person more likely. He was still in love with Vanessa, that wasn't the problem. The problem was…he was still in love with Blair too. And he had no absolute idea what to do with those feelings.

She obviously made it clear today that she didn't feel the same way. So maybe he should take her advice and just leave it. He was used to doing whatever Blair said, so that was nothing new.

At least now he knew for good. Things were out and clear, he was still suffering after her just like she was still suffering after Chuck. Well she can have him, because Nate's done with trying to understand her. He loved Vanessa once; he could learn to love her again.

''Well it's not much like I expected, I'd much rather be alone with you'' more likely, get me the hell away from this place and help me forget.

She had to double check if that was the alcohol speaking, not Nate. Turns out Nate was pretty sober for himself. It was not that he had a drinking problem, it was just that at parties, he could so easily melt into his group of friends and let loose for real, he usually got wasted in less than 20 minutes.

Surprisingly, tonight he wasn't feeling very festive and she was kind of glad for it. His behavior gave her hope, maybe she could finally have her boyfriend back. Possibly she imagined that whole stuff with Blair in her mind, Nate seemed pretty loyal and ready for her at the moment.

She leaned in and captured his lips in a trusting love filled kiss.

If she only knew who was kissing those lips just moments ago…

* * *

''Umm so then I was like-''

''-yeah yeah yeah-'' Serena spoke up to shut up the stoned steroid filled guy she was ''talking'' to at the bar. She just needed a cover up to discreetly stalk Nate and pay attention to the situation. She needed to keep an eye on Blair too. That was the original plan, now both Blair and Nate were out of her sight, hopefully not together. She let out a breath of relief when she finally spotted Nate nearby, her excitement went flat when she realized he was leaving the party with Vanessa.

''Damn it-'' she hissed not even paying attention to the guy anymore ''-well at least Blair won't get him either'' she muttered quietly, trying to make herself feel better upon the missed opportunity

''Blair as in Waldorf?'' the guy asked and she turned her blonde head around to face him for the first time that night. Of course, when it's about Blair, everyone gets interested.

''Mhm-'' she mumbled quietly, this guy was on to something so she decided to play along. ''-why?''

He rubbed the back of his head and downed one more of his Stoli vodka shots ''wasn't she with that guy Nate not so long ago?''

Serena rolled her eyes at the guy and his obviousness ''Yes, and they broke up. It was a year ago. God-''

''-no no no, I mean, like a couple minutes ago''

Serena furrowed her brows. Her eyes widened. No fucking way. Ugh that bitch. How could she not notice them sneaking around?

''Nothing could have happened'' she told herself to calm herself down, she wasn't convinced. When it was about Blair and Nate, you could never know. They break up and make up in the same afternoon, that's why she had to react quickly.

Well, she saw Nate leaving with Vanessa, he wouldn't be if something serious was going on with Blair.

''Are you absolutely sure?'' she took yet another shot glass out of his hand and refused to return it back before she got an answer.

The guy nodded ''-yeah, sure. Tall guy, blonde messy hair, lacrosse player-'' his brows furrowed ''-and that small girl, brunette, beautiful but she's a total bitch as I hear-''

''-Yes that's her, where did you see them?''

''Look man, they were in the back yard or something, why are you making such a deal-'' he didn't have a chance to finish, she fleeted away in a matter of seconds

Serena pushed herself through the crowd, trying to get to the backyard before Blair had a chance to disappear. She had no idea what she was doing or going to say, but she couldn't just sit still anymore. She had to make this night worthy somehow due to her failed plans, even if it meant having yet another fight with Blair.

After looking for a while, she finally spotted her. She looked rather upset, so things with Nate haven't gone as planned. The thought of it put a smile on her fox like face and made her flame to fight burn even stronger.

''Looks like that went well'' she commented with a smirk on her face. Blair, who was sitting at the edge of a fountain, looked up with an obvious disappointment on her face.

Blair simply stood up and turned to walk away. She owed nothing to that bitch she used to call her best friend, let along answer to her provocations.

''Like it wasn't enough to drive both Nate and Chuck away, you had to sent Nate away twice. Wow, that must feel amazing'' Serena didn't give up, she was there to crash Blair's spirit.

''You should know, what has it been by now? Forty? Fifty guys? Or have you lost count on your slut-o-meter?''

''Big words coming from someone who cheated on the _''love of her life''_ in the back of a limo with-'' she did an evil laugh ''- his best friend, now that's something''

If it would've been any other day, Blair would just let it pass like she always did with Serena. But it wasn't just any other day. It was the middle of what should have been a summer, and instead, her life was falling apart. So she held no strength back when her palm went straight up to meet Serena's cheek.

Of course, the blonde didn't hold back either. She slapped back. Finally Blair got to hit Serena as hard as she wanted to, she didn't need to hold back. It was what she wanted to do for a looong time, but never let herself do because it wasn't _lady like_.

Well, screw lady like, she wasn't feeling like a lady today. She felt like a bitch.

Serena didn't know what got her, all she knew was the fact that she was located in a fountain Blair has sat near to just a moment ago, even bigger surprise Blair was out of it. Not for long, she grasped her with both arms and they both sunk to the ground.

It didn't take long for the whole crowd that was on that party to turn up and watch the girls fight.

* * *

Nate has had it with this day, he just wanted to go back to the mansion and fall asleep, maybe sleep in till tomorrow night, he wouldn't mind. They were getting in to their car when Matt, one of his close friends ran up to them.

''What are you guys doing here?'' he asked while Vanessa looked over at Nate confusingly.

''What do you mean, we're going home'' Nate said, Matt was probably drunk, high and acting weird because of it. Nothing new.

''Dude, Blair and Serena are having a chick fight in the fountain. They might as well kill each other back there, come on!''

Nate's eyes widened in seconds. At the moment he wasn't on solid ground with either one of them, especially not after what happened with Blair tonight. But at moment's like this you don't think about all the crap you've said to each other, you don't think about how much pain you've caused, you just know your best friend is in trouble and she needs you, whether you are speaking at the moment or not.

He looked down at Vanessa, he was trying to explain with his eyes because he couldn't find his words.

That's when Vanessa realized, no matter how much you try, you can't get a person to hate someone they've loved for the most of their life. ''Go'' she said quietly and removed her eyes from him, she couldn't bear to look him in the eyes right now. She somehow felt ashamed of herself, she was the one who didn't want him to change, yet she was the one trying to change him the most.

''Go Nate, they are your friends, obnoxious, but friends, you should deal with them, I'm not going anywhere, I'll be waiting in the mansion'' she smiled.

He smiled back, honest this time, wondering what he did to deserve this amazing girl who was willing to look past everything he's done…and he was still the moron who wanted another girl instead. Well not anymore. He promised himself from now on, he would be a better man he wanted to be and give it a real go with Vanessa. She deserved it, and maybe he did too.

But he had something to take care of first.

''I promise, I'll be there as soon as I take care of this-'' he leaned down to kiss her ''-I love you '' he wasn't sure was it a friendship kid of love or lover to lover, but he did love her.

''Where are they-'' Nate had to yell to get some answers, they had to pull through a huge crowd. Everyone was going wild, people were cheering on them, some of them were recording with their phones. Him and Tripp, who he got to help him pull them apart, finally got through, just as Blair pushed Serena away.

''Get off of me'' she yelled and tried to get out of the fountain, but Serena still held a grasp on her hand.

Shit.

He has never seen them like this, he knew it would eventually happen…come on, it were Blair and Serena. Serena and Blair, it was inevitable, he just didn't know what exactly to expect.

He quickly got over to Blair and grabbed her with his both hands, pulling her away from Serena, Tripp did the same with the blonde.

Blair sensed someone's strong arms around her, she knew who it was without turning around.

''Let me kill her Nate-'' she yelled and tried to wriggle out of his arms. Sure he was twice as big as her and weight so much more, but she was a struggle.

It took one look on her to know how mentally tired she really was, she looked like she was about to cry and colapse every second. He loosened up his grip a bit so it was almost like he was hugging her from behind, Serena was dragged away from them and he needed to do the same with Blair.

''We need to get you out of here-'' he said calmly to her, surprisingly she didn't fight back. One of the drunk guys from the crowd came closer with a smirk.

''You kicked her ass there, I put my bet on you-'' he winked, Blair looked like she was going to punch the hell out of him too ''-why don't you repay me?''

It took one deadly look from Nate's side to scare him away ''Get the fuck away from her'' and who was he to object Nate Archibald?

''Come on'' he put his arm around Blair and started walking towards the exit…

* * *

_To be continued_

* * *

There you go:D hope you enjoyed, don't forget to leave a review ;) xo L


	14. I've always wanted

Hey, it's been another week and right on schedule, here I am with a brand new chapter of my story. I'm glad you like where it's going, judging by the great response I got. I'm so happy you enjoyed it, I hope you'll enjoy this one as much.

I don't own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

''Let go of me Nate-'' she said angrily and wriggled out of his hands. She couldn't describe how she felt at the moment. And what she meant by that was that her ex boyfriend whom she kissed just an hour ago and possibly still had feelings for, was dragging her away from the fight she had with her former best friend who was also in love with the guy. ''-I can take care of myself''

She would never ever describe her life as a cliché, but this day was definitely it.

He let go of her right away and stopped walking. She realized he was left behind and decided to turn around even though she didn't need to. He met her with a look of hurt on his perfect boyish face.

''Can you really?-'' he disappointedly shook his head and closed his eyes for a minute. This girl was really going to kill him someday, maybe today. And he was getting tired of her taking everything for granted, he was there to help and she was being the usual Waldorf breed of a brat she was. There was no way he was going to leave her alone in the middle of nowhere now, even though somebody else (anyone sane) would of. If he didn't love her so much, maybe he would too. ''-because it didn't look like that 10 minutes ago when you were in a fountain with Serena''

She hated the fact that even though she was so mean and acted like a total bitch to him today, he was still willing to help her in a blink of an eyelash. It was the best and most annoying thing about him, he was too kind to some people at times. Especially her. After all, she was the one with a bruising arm and a cut above her brow, drenched in water, mind you, all consequences of one mighty Serena van der Woodsen.

He should not be speaking to her right now and be with his girlfriend.

Instead he was there, in the middle of a pavement somewhere in the Hamptons trying to help her….and yes, she was still acting like a total bitch to him. What was wrong with her?

She was determined to keep her guard al up till now, seeing him turn around…she didn't know what to do or say, but she didn't want him to go away, walk out on her.

''You know what Blair-'' he spoke up suddenly ''-no wonder you're like that-'' he paced around while she stood her ground, confused for a second

''I'm like what Nate?'' A bitch? Immature? Mean? Spoiled? Awful? She was ready for all of them, but not the one that hit her.

''Alone'' he said quietly and stared at her. Maybe he shouldn't have said it but he did. She brought him to his absolute limit and he broke.

Blair quieted letting the word sink in. It hurt a hell lot more than the worst punch Serena had threw her earlier.

She felt like breaking down and crying, but she's had enough of that. The weeping stage was already done, all she had left was to face the truth and come to peace with it.

Nate came to regret his words right away and gave up the mad attitude. She was visibly hurt and he couldn't stand the thought of seeing her like that.

''I'm sorry B, I shouldn't-''

''-you're right-'' she cut him off much to his surprise and agreed with him

''-no Blair-'' he tried to protest but without success

''would you please leave?-'' she said quietly and walked away few paces to end up sitting on the pavement.

''-but''

''-Nate-'' she said louder ''-I'm asking you as a favor, I just need to be alone now. –'' she lowered her voice again ''-I'm not mad at you, just please go''

And when did he ever listen to her?

''No'' he said loud and clear and sat down right next to her on the ground.

She stood up to leave but he took her by her arm and returned her back to where she was, even though she almost ended up in his lap.

''Let go of me'' she whined

''No, not until you talk to me''

''I don't have anything to say to you'' she said, somehow sounding hurt

''Yes you do, I know'' he remained calm

''What makes you think you do?'' she was trying to be mean and rude to him in order for him to feel rejected and let her go, but he wasn't giving up

''I'm your friend, I can feel when something's wrong''

She finally gave up trying to escape him, she would just keep on with her cold blooded psychology and he would be forced to leave.

She was quiet for a while, that was a success, it was surely better than her trying to run away from him.

''We're not friends Nate'' she said quietly, starring in to the distance '_I don't deserve you as a friend' _was what she meant.

Her words hit him hard right in the spot, but he knew better than to let Blair Waldorf have her way, not tonight.

''Well I said that I am your friend, I didn't say it was the other way around, even though I think it is''

He sent her a little smile and looked at her after saying those things and she couldn't help but feel her heart warm up at that smile, it was her favorite. So warming and honest, she wished she could be more like that.

''What makes you think it is?'' she said, not because she needed for him to explain, but because she loved the sound of his voice

Nate had to smile, he was content with himself and the way he could actually manipulate her, whether she liked it or not.

''Well, only a friend could ever get your ass out of every unjustified class you've ever gotten-''

She chuckled, it was true. Nate never got in to trouble for cutting classes because he had her, she was sort of his attorney with the teachers.

''-or miss out on a field trip with her friends because I got sick the day before and she wanted to take care of me''

''You remember that?'' she asked finally looking over at him, he nodded yes

''We were supposed to go to Aspen for skiing, but I got the flu-''

''-And then you recovered two days after and even though we could have joined Serena, Chuck, Aaron and everyone, we just stayed at your house for the remaining two weeks because it was so much fun-''

''-And we weren't even dating then, so we were friends, right?'' he asked smiling, knowing fair well he got her trapped. She didn't answer, why did he have to bring up their dating, it brought along a lot of bad memories of losing what they had and made her totally forget about all the good things he said.

''Also, only a friend could push you into a duck pond and leave you there without mercy. We were only 6, I almost drowned''

He said with fake bitterness in his voice and made her laugh; somehow her acting like a total bitch always put her in a good mood.

''It all happened for a reason-'' she looked over at him and debated whether to tell him why she did it or not, she never told him before ''- we were playing house and you chose Serena to be mommy instead of me, I saw you kiss her under a tree afterwards''

She looked over at him to catch his reaction, but not to stare for too long, even though they were just kids, the Nate/Blair/Serena love triangle was already present, that moment was one of the biggest disappointments of her younger life.

He was left frowning ''-that's not what happened at all. In fact, I pulled Serena aside to try and convince her to switch roles with you, but you know how she is, she has to be the main one. The only way she would let me have it was by kissing her, but I said no…she didn't really listen-'' he chuckled ''-I felt really cheated-'' he said and looked over at her

''Why? It was everyone's biggest wish to kiss Serena, I bet it was the luckiest moment of your life back then'' she said bitterly and hugged her knees

''No-'' he said quietly ''-I've…I've always wanted to kiss you'' he finished his sentence stuttering and blushed. He was glad it was already dark outside so she couldn't see him.

Blair couldn't help but grin like an idiot, she felt like she was six again and was ready to have her first kiss with Nate.

She slowly turned her head to the right and was met with his ocean blues which shone somewhat even more at night than usual. She was feeling very nervous around him and had butterflies in her stomach. She rested her forehead on his and just stared in to his eyes, she knew that nothing will probably happen, not while he is in a relationship and not while they treated each other so badly for most of the time.

But you can't fight chemistry and Nate clearly decided he wasn't going to. He leaned in and gently captured her lips, sending her to another world where her head was constantly spinning and her and Nate were allowed to kiss whenever they wanted to.

''Nate-'' she spoke quietly when it was over, her eyes over filled with tears and she couldn't keep them in anymore ''-we can't''

He nodded his head and closed his eyes while wrapping his arms around her and simply holding her ''I know''

* * *

Serena slowly wiped her running mascara and tried to clear her vision. It didn't help much, considering her eyes were still tearing up.

She almost told her driver to drive off, but she had to do something first. She took out her trusty old camera phone and snapped a few pictures.

She reached out to the speaker and instructed the driver to take her back home. Then, her face still tear full and her hands shaking, she returned back to her phone to type out an angry message attached to the photo she took a few seconds ago. She was pressing the letters hard and as quickly as she could.

_This is happening again.  
I hope you're ready to finally stop being delusional and do something about it. _

_Serena_

She quickly searched for Chuck's number and sent the message with the picture instantly. It may have not stopped her tears, but it sure as hell gave her something to look forward to.

* * *

Blair opened her eyes and raised her head from Nate's shoulder. She wasn't usually superstitious but she had a bad feeling in her stomach. Her eyes were probably betraying her, she could swear she saw Serena's limo. It's kind of stupid actually, it could be anyone's limo. That's right, she was being over obsessive like always.

''What's wrong?'' Nate asked quietly, sensing her distress. She looked over at him with kind eyes and convinced him she was okay. Knowing him and his knowlege of her, he probably didn't buy it, but he let it slide. She was savoring their last moments together. She knew it had to end eventually…whatever this was.

Dear God…her life was already a freaking mess and there she was, making it thousand times worse like it wasn't complicated enough.

She just didn't care at the moment. She got to kiss Nate, even if it was their last time, she didn't know what was going to happen next but at least she would have that memory with her and carry it to her grave.

They both knew this moment would end eventually. It has finally come and neither knew what to do now.

He was the one who finally mustered enough courage and ask the question neither of them knew or wanted to answer to.

''So what happens next?'' if only this have happened a year ago, they could have work it out and be together, unconditionally. It wasn't the same. They had responsibilities. He had Vanessa, she had (even if he hated to admit it out loud) some leftover unresolved feelings for Chuck. This has turned from five minutes in heaven to eternity in hell.

''I don't know'' she answered simply, because she didn't know.

* * *

Hope you liked it. Till next update, don't forget to leave me a review xo L


	15. Our hopes live up

Hello everyone, I am finally here and yes, I am still alive:D I'm so sorry I missed out on posting a new chapter and I'm so late, but I've been on another vacation and I didn't have my laptop with me so I had nothing to write on. But I've used all that time by the pool reading some of the GG books again and getting inspiration from them. I hope you like where this story is heading at (but I won't tell you how it's going to end and who will end up with who;D)

All I can say is, enjoy.

I don't own the characters or the songs used in this chapter, only the ideas are mine.

* * *

The surprisingly cold fresh air around them stilled as she tried to steal that last moment of being so close to him. It was good, she needed fresh air. She needed something to help them both think.

She used to say that love had nothing to do with thinking, well, that was before her love life got so fucking complicated.

''We should probably go home now'' she whispered in to the soft crook of his neck

Home. Home was where she was.

* * *

Vanessa just about woke up from a dream when he entered the bed. He quickly readjusted the sheets over himself and hoped she wouldn't notice the fact that he got home in 3 in the morning. He shut his eyes tightly and turned over, his back facing her.

For her, it was one of those creepy reality related dreams where she found herself lost in the huge van der Bilt mansion she was at and she was trapped in to one of the many rooms in the basement, where she was forced to beg for water and listen to squeaks of euphoria coming from Nate and Blair who were happily married and kept her hostage.

Luckily for her, when she woke up she had her sight of golden hair, blue eyes, uncontrollable charm and a wandering eye all pounded in to one 175 pound boy. It was her boy, but it felt nothing like it.

She was glad to wake up next to him though. She missed him dearly and despite all the awful things that happened to them lately, she was still convinced and ready to get what they had back.

Nate had a huge smile plastered on his lips as he was still thinking of the events from tonight…of how he got to hold Blair in his arms and get himself lost in that mixture of sweet, Chanel and roses…of their kiss.

He almost forgot he wasn't alone in the bed. Almost.

''Are you awake?'' Vanessa noticed his movements and peek her head over his shoulder to check. His true smile was washed away and replaced with a fake one. He liked to call it ''The boyfriend'', it was the action where he would forget all about the stuff his head was always so occupied with, concentrate on the girl and put on the most sincere – fake- smile he could to make her happy. By all the standards, just him willing to do that gives him good qualifications to be a worthy boyfriend. That is, if you want a robotic one. You could too get a blow up ken doll, it's the cheaper version.

He should have broken things off with Vanessa before starting anything with Blair, he knew it, it was what anyone sane would do.

But Vanessa would ask why and the only valid reason wass Blair. Then again, there was nothing going on with Blair the way it could and if that falls trough then he is the shittiest person ever, breaking two girl's hearts at once.

So he was kind of keeping Vanessa as his backup plan if it doesn't work out with Blair. Only forming that sentence in his head made him sick from himself. He already felt like the shittiest person alive. Probably because he was.

''Yeah, hey-'' he didn't know exactly what to say so he did what he did best, run and hide from the consequences. He pushed the sheets away from him, got up and ran a hand trough his hair then quickly started walking out. He stopped by the door and turned towards her ''-My throat is really dry, I need some water, can I bring you anything?''

''No-'' she spoke quietly ''-just come back soon-'' she said and gave him a small smile, which he had to return back. Right when he was about to close the door she spoke again ''Nate-'' she cleared her throat ''-I've really missed you, you know''

He did.

* * *

Blair tiptoed trough the long hallway of the van der Bilt mansion to get to her comfy warm room. She was loving it there again. She was aware that the situation she was in was complicated and utterly screwed up, but she also knew that Nate wanted her. He really really wanted her like he used to before.

And even thought they couldn't be together right then and maybe ever, just knowing the fact that she still possessed this power over his confused little mind and heart made her feel powerful and satisfied.

Even happy.

She couldn't wipe that stupid grin of her face for nothing. She almost hated it. She almost hated Nate for making her like that. She was Blair Waldorf, she was supposed to be the cold sane one, but this boy….geez, he was making her feel and look anything but it.

She had to tear off her now ruined Dolce dress since it was drenched in a fountain. She removed every last piece of clothing she had on and rushed to the bathroom for that hot shower she craved for.

She wasn't feeling like sleeping at all which was why she ran a brush trough her hair exactly one hundred times, planned out her outfits for the next five days and read some stupid romantic novel that she found by her bed post, the person who left it there was probably Serena. She was always a sucker for bad reading material.

It was already around three and she still couldn't fall asleep. She decided she would go down to the kitchen and treat herself to a cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows, then go to sleep.

She was doing anything not to think of Nate.

She slowly and quietly tiptoed back through the hallway and down the stairs. Now that the night was pure and the only light around was the one from her touch phone, the house seemed kind of scary.

The moonlight was creeping trough the rose red curtains that hung from the absurdly high ceiling. She was glad that all of the floors were renovated and there was no ugly squeaking sound.

She finally reached the huge kitchen and lit up only the two small table lamps on the counter. She liked the peaceful atmosphere, with a house full of people you learn to cherish those moments away from them and pure silence.

She blew on the surface of the hot steamy drink before downing it, the cup was too warm and started to burn her fingers so she had to put it down.

''Blair-'' a voice interrupted and startled the living hell out of her, she almost dropped the cup to the floor. It didn't shatter but half of the hot beverage was burning down her arm.

''Ouch''

''Oh God, I'm so sorry-'' he jumped right over to her side and took her semi injured hand in his ''-are you okay''

So many things have happened in a blink of an eyelash and she wasn't thinking straight. One minute she's blowing over a cup of hot chocolate and now Nate was holding her hand in his and being so close again.

''-I'm uuuh fine-'' she muttered and looked up at him. Their eyes met and as stupid and cheesy as it sounds, Blair felt chills coming from the back of her neck all the way down her spine.

''You sure?-'' he didn't wait for her answer, he ran some cold water and gently pulled her hand under ''-here, this should make it better''

Blair couldn't speak, she was dazzled. She felt like a 15 year old girl freaking over her celebrity crush and meeting him for the first time. She was speechless. All she could do was stare at his perfect face and his perfect body and his perfect everything. He caught her looking and before she could even remove her gaze, her lips were caught in a slow loving kiss, waaaay to emotional and passionate for her to handle.

If it was anything like she wanted, she and Nate would forget all of their duties and leave behind everything and everyone to just sail away on his yacht and never come back again. All alone, without problems or complications. She didn't need anything else, Nate was enough for her, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was the fact that she wasn't enough for him.

She knew it for a fact. After all, it was Nate we're talking about. Yes, maybe she did love him, but that didn't mean she was ready to forgive everything and forget all the heartache he gave her.

Blair's warm body suddenly pushed his one away as she forcefully took a few steps back. He was startled at first, but quickly got himself together.

''What's wrong?'' he carefully asked her, his tone calm and sweet, he wanted nothing more but to be sweet to her. She deserved even better.

''What's wrong?'' she hissed quietly, her face tearful ''-everything is wrong-'' his heart dropped, he lost her ''-I just can't take it anymore. I'm not the girl I used to be Nate'' she broke apart suddenly for no obvious reason and couldn't stop crying. It scared him.

''What are you talking about? Of course you're not Blair, you're wonderful-'' he tried to find the right words, anything to have her back again.

''-yes, now I am wonderful. Is that why you want me? I wasn't good enough for you till now?''

She didn't know where the words were coming from, all she knew was that she felt it and for some reason she was heartbroken.

He shook his head frantically and out of pure frustration. Just a few minutes ago they had it all, now it was back to square one. She would start panicking and making excuses while he would try to calm her down and eventually break.

''What happened-'' he raised his voice, he didn't want to but his emotions were taking over ''-just a minute ago we were-'' they were all over the kitchen, yelling at each other from the other side of the counter ''-and tonight-''

''-nothing happened tonight Nate, it shouldn't have…and it didn't-'' she decided on the spot. She was tired of being someone's second choice, more exact, she was tired of being Nate's second choice. Like she said many times, she was a destination, not a stop along the way. ''-you have a girlfriend.-'' he was trying to protest but she didn't let him ''- it broke my heart when you betrayed me with Serena, you broke my heart-'' she said with tearful voice making straight sharp eye contact ''-what makes you think you can do the same to Vanessa? Who the hell do you think you are?'' she hissed coldly and left him there alone in the darkness of the kitchen, with a hell lot to think about.

* * *

Hope you liked it:) it was kind of short, but you got some nice Nair material:D till next chapter xoL


	16. The duo is back

Hello my Nair people. As usual, I've been busy as a bee, but that didn't stop me from writing a brand new, hopefully satisfying chapter. I'm so glad you like this story and I encourage any feedback, love hearing from you guys. If you have any suggestions or things you'd like to read about in my future Nair fics please feel free to tell me. Any kind of scenes you feel were missed out or something you made up in your mind but can't put it together:D I'm taking requests because this story is soon coming to an end and I need new material. I have some ideas of my own on my mind, but you'll hear about that later when the time comes. Enjoy!

I don't own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

Blair peeked her head from the sheets and lightly pushed the heavy duvet from herself. She stretched over the entire bed and yawned as hard as her mouth opened. Not really what an UES princess should act like, but who cares anyways.

She looked over at the carved wooden clock at her right. 7 in the morning, she shouldn't be surprised, after all, she didn't bat an eyelash last night (or this morning?). Not after that conversation, or rather a fight, she had with Nate earlier.

The whole point of coming there was to solve unresolved things and make her life easier. She didn't accomplish any of those things, she made it ten times worse.

Suddenly the urge to get up vanished away and was replaced by depression and disappointment.

Not that she needed any of those.

At least one thing was decided. She was done with Nate, done as in _don't ever talk to me again I don't know or want to find out who you are stranger _way.

She made that clear. Also, after tonight's big charity crap event that Nate's grandfather and her own mother were hosting as a sign of business and partnership, she was leaving this place. For good.

Nate splashed his face with another wave of ice cold water hoping it would help clear his mind. He brought his head up to face the man in the mirror. He looked terrible. His natural charm and good looks were washed away by hours of no sleep and three glasses of scotch he downed when Blair left him in the kitchen.

Blair. The main cause of his head aches (alcohol or not) and most importantly, heart aches.

His head was buzzing and he had to be down and perfect for today's big charity event. He opened the bathroom cabinet in search for some aspirin and accidentally dropped some glass bottles of cough syrup and cologne down the sink.

''Shit'' the noise was loud and hurt his head, and would probably wake up Vanessa. Great, just great.

He was so fucking hangover and confused…and heartbroken but that could easily be replaced by getting drunk again. The best cure for alcohol pain was to pour more alcohol in, right?

As if.

He wasn't able to find any painkillers but he found something as useful instead. It was a rolled up joint, he used to hide them all over this place for late nights when he couldn't sleep or simply had enough of everything. He even got Blair to smoke once.

He would never forget, they were hiding out from yet another debutant event up in there. Nate knew Blair was as clear as a tear and would never allow herself to even touch weed, and Nate never pressured her. But that night, they were both already tipsy from the expensive champagne and red vine they stole from the party and she was very playful.

He never smoked around her, but he was feeling so relaxed next to her he simply forgot, he pulled out a rolled cigarette and lit it up with his Zippo.

Blair made a grimace and raised her eyebrow. ''Nate, you're weed is getting into my system'' she bitched out loud and he grinned.

''It won't kill you'' he said and looked over her, amused by her judging

''I can literally feel my brain cells dying'' she faked an overreaction and started crazily waving her arms to get rid of the smoke.

Now, he was feeling very daring that night and said something he never would ''Why don't you try it-'' she stared at it for a minute ''-are you scared?''

Blair gave him one of her _oh no you didn't _looks and stood up from their position on the bathroom floor. He carefully watched her take that joint from his fingers and not only did she take it, she dragged the longest whiff she could. His eyes widened in surprise.

''Well there'' she said and dragged another one, she looked down at his amused expression and gave him a teasing smile ''don't look at me like that, you're not getting it back''

He gave her the biggest most sincere smile he could remember giving anyone ever ''I just love you so much Blair'' he said and took her in his lap

''Good-'' she said sweetly and pressed a peck on his rosy lips ''-because you're stuck with me for all eternity''

She used to say those kinds of things to him all the time, leave him little love notes in his locker or even bring his favorite beer after an exhausting lacrosse game. She was a hardcore romantic. He thought he could never grow tired of those little things. Apparently he did. And the thought of that made him want to punch himself so hard he would die instantly.

He took a long drag from the joint that was now almost finished and clenched his wet eyes as hard as he could, his lips pressed together as the salty water reached them. He wondered how much has Blair cried over years because of him like that.

''Nate?-'' his body clenched in place ''-your grandfather is looking for you, also I really need to start on my make up for tonight so I need the bathroom'' Vanessa said with joy in her voice. She was actually kind of excited for this even which surprised both Nate and herself. She got a haircut earlier and even bought a dress at Barneys, yes, the over expensive store where Blair and Serena shopped.

Nate started acting like himself, sort of, so that immediately gave her a reason to smile. She wanted to be the girl he wanted her to be, because he gave her the boyfriend she wanted him to be. It was a compromise in her head and she figured it would work just fine.

For a moment she forgot all about Blair, Nate running around chasing Blair and her being heartbroken. Not anymore. For the record, Nate hasn't spoken or seen Blair since that party a few days ago. She didn't ask for him to stop speaking to her, although she wanted to, he did it on his own which made it that much better.

She even decided not to mention the fact that there was weed smoke filling their room up from below the doors.

It took him a few minutes to open the door. When he got out his eyes were bloodshot red, just like she thought that joint would make them be. Little did she know that his eyes weren't irritated by smoke.

''Hey'' she said simply because she didn't know what else to say. Honestly, her and Nate were out of conversation topics, it was just some polite chatter and then semi awkward silence. Another fact Vanessa decided to ignore.

''Hi-'' he said, his voice was so hoarse, she wasn't used to hearing him like that. Nate observed the girl, he felt like a stranger next to her. Was her hair shorter? He didn't know. Should he mention it? It was kind of shameful that he didn't know whether his girlfriend cut her hair or not, but if Blair decided to shorten hers for half an inch he would see it from 10 foot distance. ''-your hair looks nice'' it was a good save, if she did cut it she would mention it, and if she didn't, well he was just being a good boyfriend and complimenting her.

''Thanks-'' she blushed, she was glad he noticed, he had to still care about her, even a little. ''-do you really like it? It's much shorter'' she took a strand and swirled it with her fingers, observing it.

Of course it's much shorter, it really was.

''I really do like it'' he said and leaned over to lightly kiss her forehead. It felt like kissing his sibling.

* * *

''Ouch-'' Blair whined as a strand of her usually smooth hair got caught in the silver Tiffany brush. It was one of her favorites, her dad had it made custom for her. Her initials were carved in calligraphy.

Her intensive hair brushing session was cut down by a light yet energy knock. She could recognize that knock anywhere, what she wondered was what that person wanted. She debated for a minute whether to open the door, make a judging look and shove it back in that persons face or simply not open.

Her option to make the decision was beaten down when the mentioned person got in uninvited.

''Get out of my room'' Blair said coldly not even paying a look to her

''B please, can we just talk''

It was very Serena van der Woodsen to fuck things up to their absolute limit and then ask to talk it out. Thanks, but no thanks.

''I'd rather light myself on fire'' she retreated with poison in her mouth indicating that the conversation was over. Finito. Please leave the building.

Serena nodded quietly and Blair let herself glance once, just once. The view was all too familiar.

Her blonde hair was falling over her eyes which were stretched beyond their usual selves, her bottom lip has disappeared, she was holding down tears, her top lip was trembling.

She headed towards the door, but stopped mid walk and with eyes full of tears and trembling voice whispered ''-I just really miss you, you know''

If it was anyone else Blair would shut the door in their face, but this was Serena, her biggest enemy and her greatest friend. They once told to each other that no matter what happened, they were soul mates and no boy, no fight would get between them. What happened?

They both changed drastically and betrayed themselves.

But what she saw in Serena's blue eyes that matched hers perfectly, was honesty. She hasn't seen that in a long time and that was what made her break the curse above their friendship and relieve some of the baggage.

''I miss you too-'' she said, her own voice trembling ''- but you betrayed me, how can I know that you won't do it again''

''Blair-'' she was weeping ''-the only reason I did anything I did this past two years was because I felt worthless next to you, I am worthless next to you. You had everything, you were going to get the perfect family, the perfect boyfriend and the perfect school. I had nothing. My dad left again, my mom left with Rufus, I lost Dan… I got sent to a boarding school, no school wanted to take me after that and on top of all you started to ignore me''

''I was afraid of you Serena'' Blair said in tears ''- you were taking-'' she took a deep breath, her heart was aching ''-you were taking Nate away''

''The only reason Nate slept with me was because he was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing-''

''-don't defend him-'' Blair yelled ''-it takes two to cheat''

There was a defeating silence. They were staring at each other. Serena wanted to hug her from whole her heart, she missed Blair so much, she spent the whole night crying. She was sick of herself and everything she wanted to do to make her best friend suffer. She was ashamed at last. It took her great courage to come and face Blair, Blair was always the better man, she was an angel in Serena's eyes, she was ready to beg for her forgiveness.

It was always simple with the two girls, they didn't need much words, an eye blink was all they needed in order to know. A look. They shared so much meaningful ones when they were younger, whether it was checking out boys, judging other girls or simply from pure boredom, they knew what each other had on their mind.

So that day, Serena took the leap. As Serena's slender arms locked themselves around Blair's tiny waist, there was only one thing on her mind; she got her partner in crime back.

Better watch out.

* * *

Ta daah :D hope this gets you thinking, leave a review if you feel like it:) till next update xo L


	17. No escape

Hello everyone, I know it took a lot longer than usual to update but school has started and it's been hectic. I honestly hope I didn't lost a lot of readers and that someone is still reading this. It's my fault if you guys aren't and what can you do, I really do my best to write as soon as I can:)

Please leave reviews telling me what you'd like to read next as there are only a few chapters left from this story. Thanks in advance guys, I hope you enjoy the chapter I prepared for you.

I do not own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas.

Song: ''Some nights'' by Fun

* * *

_Well, some nights I wish that this all would end__  
__'Cause I could use some friends for a change.__  
__And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again__  
__Some nights I always win, I always win...__But I still wake up, I still see your ghost__  
__Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh__  
__Whoa oh oh What do I stand for?__  
__Whoa oh oh What do I stand for?__  
__Most nights I don't know..._

* * *

''I really am sorry for everything that's happened B-'' Serena said just as she was lighting up one of her Merit ultra lights. Blair scrunched up her nose at the sight ''You smoke? You know there's better ways to get cancer than that''

Serena laughed at her friend, she missed that so much.

''Whatever, we're going to that party tonight, right?'' she sprawled herself on the bed, she noticed that Blair hung that little Yale charm on the top of her baldachin, same old Blair.

''Actually, I'm not going'' she said casually, not making a big deal out of it.

''You have to go, how else will you get Nate back?'' S said with a knowing smile and took a long drag from her cigarette

Blair stopped messing around her closet and immediately glazed over to Serena. Her heart rate fastened instantly at the mention of his name, whether she wanted it or not, it was just a fact. A habit she was trying to get rid of.

''Nate and I are over, it's been almost a year. We don't even talk'' she said, she was using her protective voice and Serena knew she was right to assume things were far from over with her best friend and Nate.

''No, you kiss'' she stated a fact and continued to smoke as if they were discussing some stupid non important topic like which hair tie was the best.

Blair frowned. Serena didn't know, she couldn't…they weren't even on the van der Bilt property when they kissed. She couldn't have-

''I saw you after that party when, you know-'' she knew ''-you and I had that fight''

Blair stood there without saying a word. Even if she wanted to discuss this with Serena – which she didn't- she wouldn't know what to say. And how much did she saw?

''It was nothing, just on impulse… we both agreed that it was stupid. End of story'' she said just to fill the silence

''It didn't look like nothing to me-'' Serena protested ''-he's still in love with you''

Blair wanted to ask how? Why? Really? Her heart started thumping in her chest even faster than before, her stomach was filled with excitement and she was hot in face, but all she could do was stand still like she did till now and give Serena a cold blooded expression. ''I doubt that. Can we please stop all of this Nate and relationship conversation, I hate talking about dead things.''

''You love him too, don't you-'' Serena said totally ignoring Blair's request, she just kept huffing smoke and adding to that cute little Blair/Nate story of hers. ''-you never really stopped.''

''Did you hear what I said?-'' Blair hissed

''-Vanessa is just a rebound, don't you realize. Nate haven't even looked at me since we got here, al he does all the time is stare at you with that loving look on his face and it was so frustrating and painful at first, but I realize that I'm the one who should have known better, he loves you, you don't just end up kissing someone you like or who's your friend and nothing more''

''We're not even friends, okay? We were together, he cheated I broke things off. It's done, Nate and I will never be together again, I won't let it happen, there's nothing between us.'' Blair said in one breath hoping she was convincing enough. She just wanted to pack her bags, go back to NY and possibly beg her mom to let her move to France with her dad and go to college there. Away from Nate and everyone else. She probably won't even get to Yale after all those fucked up scandals following her. She was even worse than Serena for god's sake.

''Fine-'' Serena said, but refused to be defeated when she knew she was right ''-why won't you come to the party then?''

Blair swallowed hard and turned her back to Serena, _If it would help you sleep at night ''_Fine, we're going to that party, and straight home after that''

But Serena was sure that she won't be going anywhere with Blair after tonight's party, Nate will….that's a detail she decided to keep to herself. ''Sure-'' she put out her Merit ''-let's try on clothes''

* * *

Vanessa smiled in satisfaction while checking herself out in the mirror, she had to give it to herself, she looked amazing. For once she wasn't dressed in one of her plain cotton Forever21 shirts and flip flops. She had to give it to the expensive_ Blair Waldorf_ style dress. The fabric felt like heaven under her fingertips, oh she definitely wasn't used to this degree of glamour. She ran her hand trough her new shorter hair and replied her red lipstick. For a blink of an eyelash she reminded herself of Blair. The truth was her hair looked identical to the style that Blair had and the red lips and the dress….was she trying to make herself look more like Blair in order for Nate to like her more? No way, if her lips weren't painted so pretty she would probably put a hand over her mouth.

She was her own person, Vanessa Abrams, and she didn't need to copy anyone or anything to get a boy's response.

That's right, keep feeding yourself lies, whatever makes your heart lighter…

If she thought that the van der Bilt mansion looked amazing on normal days, then what should she think now? The whole first floor reminded on one of those vintage upper class parties she saw in movies. There were black chandlers hanging from the high ceiling, some calming music was playing and there were waiters everywhere carrying huge platters of champagne and scotch. They were dressed in snowy white shirts and silky black vests on top.

The room was filled with rich amazing looking people and even with her expensive dress, Vanessa still felt like an outsider.

Where has her integrity gone?

Right at that moment she had other things to worry about besides losing her integrity. Blair Waldorf and Serena van der Woodsen were entering the event looking godlike like always, and Nate was looking at one of them with too much adoration for it to be considered friendly.

For Nate she was a vision… with the way she looked she was a vision for everyone. How could he ever be stupid enough to chase around other girls when Blair was so…perfect.

Even though his hand was holding tightly to the one of his girlfriend, all he wanted to do was run forward and kiss Blair with all his passion. It was hard to concentrate on anything else but her round chestnut eyes.

''Nate'' Serena basically screamed as soon as they came down and Blair wanted to pull her back to the staircase and then push her down.

Nate realized he wasn't alone in the room with Blair after all and reverted his eyes to the blonde. She was beautiful, she always was, but not Blair beautiful. He should stop comparing the girls in his head, because really, there's no comparison at all.

He smiled and let Serena hug him like she used to when they were younger, Blair used to hug him too, but now she just pretended he wasn't there and messed around her dress.

''Hi Vanessa-'' Serena said bubbly, Vanessa returned the smile just to be polite. She hated to admit but it was killing her seeing Serena just hug Nate like she wasn't there, it was enough of a burden watching out for Blair, she didn't need Serena too. ''-your dress is amazing'' she turned to Nate ''-you look quite dashing too''

Blair decided she was above the obvious Nate-Vanessa-Serena ''friendly'' triangle. She rolled her eyes expressing her boredom and fixed some imaginary wrinkles on her dress.

''right back at you-'' Nate said playfully then returned his attention to Blair ''-Hi Blair, you look beautiful'' he said in all his honesty, hoping she would at least glance at him. She gave him a 2 second look and a fake smile

''I'll go get some champagne'' she murmured and left, she couldn't stand being anywhere near him, especially not with Vanessa by his side.

Serena felt like tying Blair to a rope and making her stay there. She exhaled deeply, she was in a serious need of some vodka, or at least champagne. If only Blair knew how many troubles Serena had to make all of this possible and perfect; for the biggest part she had to convince Chuck he wasn't needed there, she did cause all the Chuck drama herself, that was true, but he was chasing after Blair, not Serena so…

He agreed not to come in the end, then again, could you ever trust anything Chuck Bass says?

She also tried to convince Blair she had no feelings left for Nate with her subliminal messages like ''Sometimes it's better to just stay friends, you know, like me and Nate'' or ''Most of all I've missed all of my FRIENDS here, like Tripp, and Zach and NATE''

She hoped some of them worked or else she just made a moron out of herself. Probably the latter.

''Nate, can I talk to you for a minute?'' Serena asked suspiciously and pulled him by his arm, she gave Vanessa a sweet smile ''I have some questions about Tripp, isn't he the sweetest'' she said just to get rid of the suspicion.

Nate gave her a weird look. ''I'll be right back'' he said to Vanessa and gave her a kiss on the cheek. _Thanks got Blair wasn't there _was the first thought on Serena's mind.

Was Serena really interested in his older cousin or was there more to the story? Nate's brows furrowed but he let Serena lead him away anyways.

She pulled Nate towards the bar that was pretty far from Vanessa and got straight to the point

''You need to get Blair back-'' he wanted to protest but she wouldn't let him speak ''-you and her belong together and are perfect for each other, there's no discussion about that, I see the way you stare at her all the time, I may be blonde but I'm not stupid Nate. Now cut the cord, forget all that _'we can't be together' blah blah_ talk and go get your girl''

Surprisingly, Nate didn't pretend he doesn't know what she's talking about like she expected ''She doesn't want to be with me'' he said kind of defeated and downed a glass of Stoli.

''Yes she does, you don't know he-''

''-her?-'' Nate cut in on impulse ''-oh trust me, I know her better than anyone, and when I say she doesn't want to, she really doesn't. Look, she moved on, I'm trying to do the same. After everything that's happened over these days if she wanted to, we could have been together right now. But we're not.'' Bitterness was evident in his voice, it was all he had left to give.

''Everything that's happened? You guys just kissed, how can that decide anything-''

''-we didn't just-'' then he stopped, realizing he almost told Serena everything. He quickly brought another glass to his lips, this time champagne filled, and downed it. ''-nothing''

Serena's eyes widened, her lips formed a frown ''you didn't just what? You didn't just what Nate?''

''Vanessa is waiting'' he said lamely and tried to escape

''Nate!'' Serena yelled unintentionally and every single pair of eyes in the room was glued to them, including Blair's

''Tell me what happened right now or I'll make a scene, and trust me Archibald you don't want that'' she hissed quietly so hopefully no one would hear. People were finally going back to their business.

Vanessa was walking over, what other choice does he have than to tell her ''Fine-'' he hissed back even more quiet than her , Vanessa was a few steps away

''-Blair and I slept together last night''

* * *

Here it is, hopefully satisfying. I promise you guys, next update won't take as long as this one. Don't forget to leave a review, the more there is, the bigger the will to write;) xo L


	18. No longer in your world

Hello! As promised, I updated on time because that last one was just an exception;) I'm still keeping my policy of updating regularly.

I do not own the characters or songs used in this chapter, only the ideas are mine.

* * *

Vanessa stepped forward with insecure written all over her face, she looked as she was afraid of him. He was already categorized like the world's worst boyfriend, so he could at least try not to chew her up completely. He gave her a reassuring smile and wrapped his arm around her waist completely ignoring the fact that Serena stood next to them frowning.

* * *

''Blair-'' her mother spoke in horror upon seeing her daughter basically swallow a glass of Stolichnaya. Blair rolled her eyes, her mother was the last person she wanted to talk to right now, well besides Nate.

''-what on earth-'' she didn't finish the sentence like always

''It's just one glass mother, don't look at me like I'm a treated alcoholic''

The bartender that was currently mixing her another drink smiled. It definitely got Blair's attention, and even though she meant to tell him to mind his own business, she realized he was kind of cute and dropped the accusation.

Her mother finally gave up ''Fine, just watch what you're doing. I'm gonna go talk to Anne''

''Here-'' the cute bartender presented her with a pink looking drink ''-it's on me''

She was very skeptical and he obviously noticed.

''It' just Stoli, sweet tea and a secret ingredient'' he winked and she couldn't help but blush. He really was kind of cute, unlike any other bartender. His hair was dark and curly, his shirt was buttoned up but you could see how tense it was around his firm chest, his sleeves were pulled up to reveal his toned arms and unlike the rest of the waiters and bartenders on this party, he didn't wear a silk black vest over his shirt, which she was grateful for.

She returned the smile and took the drink, carefull at first but then drinking it up when she realized she actually liked the drink.

''Surprisingly well'' she commented, his eyes were blue. If only they were any other color. Luckily she was to tired to get annoyed by that fact. It's not that his eyes weren't nice, it was that they would never be as nice as someone else's.

''I'm Jonathan-'' blue eyes said ''- you're Blair Waldorf, right?''

Blair smiled in surprise. She was used to people recognizing Serena, not her.

''How did you-''

''-I saw you in the news paper-'' Blair blushed, she only wore one clothes collection for her mother, these things must spread quickly ''- thus I recognized your name on the Yale waiting list'' her smile faded away. She tried whole summer not to think of that, her future was unclear and Yale didn't tell her when exactly she will get the second letter she was waiting for. Deep inside she was already sure she didn't get in. No one from the waiting list ever does, she will be forced to attend NYU with Dan Humphrey and his dreadlock clan. The mere thought made her stomach turn.

Blue eyes- Jonathan, realized he shouldn't have brought it up. He smiled apologetically

''-well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm on the waiting list too''

Blair looked back at him, she couldn't resist. Finally someone as fucked up as her, at least for the college matter.

''Do you think we'll ever get in, I don't'' she started on the second drink he offered

''Don't be so pessimistic, they take in more students, and come on, you're Blair Waldorf, I bet they put your name on that list by accident, you belong there''

She smiled widely, thank you stranger.

''So-'' she wasn't really going to ask him, was she? ''-you have a girlfriend?'' she played around with a cherry stem inside her drink just so she wouldn't look too interested.

''No-'' he said, his voice was so much different than before, no longer cheerful, maybe she hit a spot ''-actually we broke up recently, she cheated with my best friend''

Bing! Bing! Bing! Blair Waldorf, we have found your match.

''Why are you grinning?'' he asked in a playful manner

''You are not going to believe-'' she said

''Well my shift is almost over, can I buy you another drink?''

* * *

Nate nervously grabbed his third glass of…whatever he was drinking, it was strong and that was all that mattered. You can do this, you've done it before.

And it ended up with glass figurines being thrown at him and a lot of tears. That's the spirit!

'' You said you wanted to talk?-'' a smiling Vanessa entered the study room. He asked her to meet him there in order to talk. ''- sorry it took so long, there was a serious line in the girl's room-'' he nodded ''-talking about serious, what's wrong? You don't look okay'' he didn't look okay for the last two days, that is, when she actually got a chance to see him.

''We need to talk'' that was never a good conversation starter

''Okay'' she said with a confused expression on her face and sat down in one of the luxury dark brown leather chairs. If only she didn't look so confused and knew what this was about, it would make his job a lot easier and less painful for her.

He took a deep breath and loosened up his tie. He wished he had a joint nearby, he could really use one.

''Just before I get to the point, I want you to know that I loved these past few months of us being together''- particularly true ''-I know I haven't always been the best boyfriend-'' completely true ''- but I care about you''

This was either a beginning of a proposal or a really shitty break up.

''I-I care about you too'' she said, she was barely audible, her throat was clenching and she could feel tears brimming in her eyes. He was breaking up with her.

He nodded ''I know, which makes what I have to tell you much harder''

What was he talking about ''Just say it Nate'' she was kind of mad too, this could have gone a complete other way.

''You know the other night, at the van der Bilt party-'' his hands were shaking, god, he really needed that joint ''-Blair was really upset and I took her home and-'

And?

''-we kissed-''

They kissed, she told herself. They kissed. That's okay, she supposed, after all she was his girlfriend for the most time and Nate has had drinks before, maybe it was Blair who initiated, Nate stepped back because he knew he was better than that and he knew he had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. He was better than that…

''_We should probably head in, someone must wonder where we are'' she said with a shaky voice. That wasn't really convincing for Nate who wanted to make sure she was okay._

''_I don't really care about anyone else right now'' he said honestly. Blair looked up at him, her eyes were much wider than before, she was looking at him with wanting, or at least that's what he'd like._

''_I'll be fine.-'' she whispered, they were on the second floor. She knew for a fact there were 8 bedrooms on that floor. Nate and her used to play hide and seek there all the time when they were younger. She smiled and shook off the memory. ''-thank you for taking care of me, you always clean up my mess''_

''_It's just what I do'' he didn't want to let her go, he wanted to walk her to her bedroom and then enter the bedroom with her, hopefully with their lips joined. He decided to ignore the fact that he had a girlfriend that was in the same house right now._

''_Night'' she said sweetly and stood on her toes to plant a friendly good night kiss on his cheek. The only problem was, Blair and Nate never did friendly. That little goodnight kiss turned in to struggling to get his pants off._

_They shouldn't be doing this, it was so wrong on every level. They weren't even together and they've just started talking again. Can't they keep their hands of each other for just five minutes? That whole friendship thing was being thrown on the ground just the way Blair was being thrown on the soft four poster bed right about then._

_Her mind was telling her to stop but his lips were just so sweet, warm and familiar on top of hers. She craved to feel his body top hers, to feel that level of intimacy she could only feel with him._

''_I-'' love you, she wanted to say but the pressure those words would cause was just to high ''-want you'' she whispered instead._

_Nate's heart clenched in his chest, he was hoping he would hear those three words he wanted to hear more than anything. She changed her mind, but he was driven anyway. He kissed her rosy lips and ran his nose along hers ''You can have me-'' he pressed his palms against hers on the soft pillows ''-for as long as you want''_

_And as tragically as it turned out, it was just for a night._

''-and-'' he shook his head ''-fuck, we slept together, Vanessa. I'm so sorry''

Vanessa nodded in silence, her whole body hurt from this betrayal. How did she deserve this?

The picture of a perfect Nate was shattered in her mind. It suddenly felt so wrong sitting there in her new dress that she bought to impress him, half of her hair was missing so he would finally notice her, she let him drag her here and spend the summer away from her home in a place where she felt like a stranger. He didn't even make an effort to make her feel comfortable.

''I should have known-'' she said trying to hold back tears unsuccessfully. She felt pathetic enough already. ''-better. I should have known better'' she added and headed out

''I really didn't want to hurt you-'' he stopped her and said seriously. ''-it's just-'' he shook his head, it was already out anyways ''-Blair.''

Of course it's just Blair, it always is ''just'' Blair.

''Fuck'' he muttered as soon as Vanessa left the room. Somehow he always ended up hurting the people that didn't deserve it at all. All those girls he used to date out of boredom, Serena, Vanessa, Blair.

Blair.

He had to find her. But he had to do something first. Yes, Blair hated it when he smoked pot, but this was all too stressful and he wasn't sure he could make it through the hell of a conversation he was about to have without a joint.

He went out on the balcony and searched his pockets for a lighter. A floor beneath him, Vanessa just stormed out with two big bags in her hands and disappeared inside a cab. He wouldn't be surprised if that was the last time saw her in years.

He had to make it work with Blair this time, he simply had to. His time was running out. There's only two weeks left from their summer vacation, they were all going home in a week time. He had to use the opportunity of having her so near and somehow find a way to get in to her blood again.

Yeah right, like he was ever out.

He tried to steadily walk back to the party and searched the room for Blair, it shouldn't take too long, he had a talent of noticing her from space. Such a beauty, how could you not notice her?

He was even more nervous than before. He felt a sigh of relief when he finally noticed her silk like brown hair swishing down the milky smooth skin of her toned back.

His heart stopped in his throat. Blair, his Blair was heading out with another guy.

So much for making an impression.

* * *

As usual, I hope you liked it. One more thing before you exit this page:D

Since most of you guys didn't actually throw any specific ideas for a new story,I've come up with a few. I still need your help though. Please tell me in the review section below if you would like my next Nair story to be about:

Nair song-fic (I chose a song and write a chapter for every few lines of the song, of course the song and the chapter would be related)

Nair with a child aka baby Archibald + some drama (I think it's pretty self explanatory xD )

Any request of yours?

Hope you cooperate with me, it would make it a lot easier and I could start writing as soon as I finish this story:)

Thanks in advance lovelies, till next update xoL


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